GLEE CONCERT!!!

A few months ago, Lacey and I had a gchat conversation that went something like this:

Lacey: Glee concert! May 28th and 29th at Radio City. We're going.
Arielle: Dude, I have a bachelorette party in Boston on the 29th, I can't be in New York that weekend.
L: BOOOO.
(pause while Arielle looks up info on the Glee tour)
A: Wait, there's no shows in Boston!?!
L: No, it's only like 4 cities or something.
A: Alright, guess I'm coming to NYC that Friday!

And that was that. We bought tickets, and I went to New York for 24 hours to see Glee in concert with Lacey and the Dave, and it was SO WORTH IT. Especially since we had these bad boys:


Yes, these are OMGLEE t-shirts. Be jealous.

So, the show was amazing. It started off with some sick dancing by the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, featuring Other Asian AKA Mike Chang AKA Harry Shum Jr. And then...GLEE! The cast sang such fabulous numbers as Defying Gravity, both the guys' and girls' mash-ups, Bad Romance, Bust Your Windows, The Boy is Mine, and SO MANY OTHERS. It was wonderful.

And just when we thought it couldn't get any better...


Oh, is that Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch? YES IT IS. Surprise!

And then Mr. Schue and Puck proceeded to sing the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (no, I did not know this last name off the top of my head) version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow which I absolutely adore and I'm excited for whenever they actually sing this on the show.

Some of my other favorite show moments: Lea Michele being surrounded by no fewer than 4 bodyguards when coming down the aisle for Don't Rain On My Parade, True Colors (I love Tina!), and pretty much any time Brittany got to say anything.

And in honor of the concert, here is a list of my top ten favorite overall Glee performances:

10. Papa Don't Preach (Quinn is underrated)
9. The Lady is a Tramp (Puck, you've grown on me)
8. Somebody to Love. (Classic)
7. Hello, I Love You (Welcome back Finn, your voice has improved!)
6. Don't Rain On My Parade (Lea Michele has some PIPES, man)
5. Bad Romance (Obvi. Costumes/ridiculousness/Gaga)
4. Dream On (3 words for you: NEIL. PATRICK. HARRIS.)
3. Alone (Kristin Chenoweth, big heart)
2. 4 Minutes (Kurt doesn't sound like a girl. Fabulous)
1. Proud Mary (Great song, wheelchair choreography AND a poignant message.)

Commencement!

GRADUATED!

Proof:
There I am, next to the business school building that was my second home for the last 2 years. And in that big red fancy folder is my MASSIVE diploma.

You want to know something else about my diploma?

THERE IS NO ENGLISH ON IT. NONE. Except my name.

I'm pretty disappointed about this because I know diplomas are the only people (yes, I am anthropomorphizing my diploma) who still speak Latin, but I mean, ENGLISH, PLEASE. Do you know where on my diploma it says that I received a Master's of Business Administration? NEITHER DO I.

Overall though, graduation was great. It was meaningful in a way that my college graduation wasn't, probably because no one could understand my undergrad commencement speaker (this time? Jeff Immelt, and he was fantastic. If you don't know who he is, it's all good because I wouldn't either if I hadn't gone to business school).

I got to wear a fancy cap and gown and even a hood this time! And we had to walk in with it draped over our arms a certain way and all the pomp and circumstance surrounding it was really fun (see what I did there? Graduation pun!). I was also given instruction on how to flip your hood on and I was going to video blog it but it is no less than 600 degrees in Boston and I am too hot to do anything. But I WILL show you how the hood flip maneuver is NOT supposed to turn out:


You can see how it's supposed to look in the first picture on this post.

And now I am officially a MASTER! So fancy. I can't believe it's over, though.

In other news, today I bartended on a yacht and I also had a phone interview for an amazing job but I'm not getting my hopes up because...well, I'm just not.

Home is...where?

Oops, meant to write about this awhile ago. Whatevs.

As you all probably know, many of us here in this fabulous commonwealth recently experienced what we called "aquapocalypse." Pretty much there was a huge water main that broke somewhere and we were told not to drink, brush our teeth, or cook with any water unless it was a) bottled or b) boiled first. Fine.

Alerts came out online and on TV as to which towns were safe from the dirty poop water and which had to follow the boil order. Among the areas listed for the boil order were Newton, Boston and Brookline. I live in a lovely little town called Brighton that happens to be near all of the aforementioned areas. The news never specifically mentioned Brighton but since I was smack in the middle of all of those, I decided to be safe and made a run for bottled water like everyone else.

At some point I mentioned to my roommate that it was weird that they never named Brighton for the boil order, and she goes, "Well, they said Boston on there, and Brighton is just an area of Boston."

Jigga what?

So apparently I've been living in Boston for the last 2 years and didn't know. And I was always like, "Well I live West of Boston" and all my New York friends would nod because a) no one cares b) no one knows the difference c) no one in Manhattan says they live West or East of anywhere. You just give your intersection.

But still, this confused me. Because if I leave my house and start walking East it goes something like this:

Brighton --> Brookline --> Boston

And I didn't understand how Boston and Brighton/Boston could make a little Brookline sandwich. So I consulted the great internet and found 2 things.

The first thing is that Allston, home of the awesome Sunset Grill, is also part of Boston, so now my little rudimentary map looks like this:

______________Allston
Brighton --> Brookline --> Boston

So I guess Boston just goes across the top there. No soup sandwich for you, Brookline.

The second thing I found is that apparently some people were similarly confused and had posted on some aquapocalypse-related forums being like, "Panic! I live in Brighton! Is my water clean?" and then they similarly got schooled, and then a Boston blog went on to make fun of them for not knowing where they lived.

So I guess I'm not the only moron who didn't know that they lived in Boston, but seriously why didn't anyone tell me that I live in Boston? It's not like anyone in Astoria or Williamsburg randomly finds out one day that they live in New York City. They know.

It's days like that that make me wonder how I ever graduated high school.

T-U-F-T-S

My fellow Jumbos will know that I was just singing the Tufts fight song. You will also know that no one actually knows any of the other words, except maybe "Hoorah!...something something...brown and blue!" Anyway.

So apparently I graduated college 5 years ago. What? Where has the time gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was living in my sorority house, thinking of witty AIM away messages, and occasionally even going to class?

This weekend I had the lovely opportunity to partake in class of OHHHHH FIVE reunion events. It was a particularly interesting time for me seeing as my business school graduation is tomorrow and my time here has only made me appreciate Tufts more. I mean, SO MUCH MORE. So while everyone was all "Congrats! You're graduating!" I was all "I LOVE AND MISS TUFTS SO MUCH IT HURTS."

Alumni weekend was a big boozy dance party nostalgic mess. Tufts classed it up in a major way and somehow managed to not ask us for money even once. We ate and drank and ran around the Tufts campus pointing out everything that changed since we left and took pictures by old dorm rooms. And then we drank some more, and then we laughed about how we showed up to every event just late enough so as to miss the a cappella performances, and I discovered that one of my friends was apparently the world's biggest fan of The Sing-Off because she knew every member of the Beelzebubs and which songs they sang on the show.

One excellent part was that Friday was the first day off that I had in almost 30 days, and I felt really weird being in a room with tons of caterers and not actually being one of them. And then I realized that even though the company I work for doesn't work at Tufts, I knew one of the bartenders from working at a few super huge events that required staff from multiple companies.

Another excellent part was when we finally realized that our 5 year reunion was NOT going to entail 2 full days of "Hey...you look familiar...we had a class together or..maybe were in some kind of group together or..something...right?" Though there certainly was some of that, for the most part people were just excited to see the people they actually knew, and we got to spend our time hugging and screaming and being excited to be around old friends instead of trying to reconnect with people with whom we never really connected in the first place.

Overall, it was a fabulous weekend that only reinforced to me how much my alma mater is better than yours (just kidding. Not really) and how much I wish I could still be in college. It also reinforced that I made the right decision in sticking around Boston instead of joining all you lovelies in Vegas (the whole "graduating tomorrow" thing kind of maybe also had a big part in that as my parents would probably not appreciate coming up to Boston today and having me be on a plane home).

For now, I am le tired. And maybe need to clean my apartment because my parents are coming and um, GRADUATION TOMORROW. Ack.

My last post about b school!

Maybe. Actually probably not seeing as I haven't even graduated yet, though I did pick up my cap and gown and fancy Master's hood today and they're sitting in a bag on my bed and one day when I'm not lazy I'll try them on and that day might not be until Monday when I actually graduate.

Mostly though I'm here to share with the world that my grades are finally FINALLY in and my GPA this semester is a 3.9. THREE POINT NINE.

And yes I'm bragging and I'm sorry if that's rude but this is my blog and I do what I want and also I've never had a GPA that ridiculous at any point in time, ever. And my overall GPA is clearly not a 3.9 so it's not like I can put that on my resume. But still. I entered business school with the goal of beating my undergraduate GPA and I did that so even though my GPA isn't really a 3.9 it's still a W for me.

I thought that maybe I'd get an A- in my Negotiations class instead of an A, but then I remembered that my prof gives extra participation points for people who agree to negotiate in front of the class, and not only did I negotiate in front of the class once but I also negotiated once AGAINST THE ENTIRE CLASS who he deliberately told to yell and scream and act like jerks except I didn't know that part until I walked in the room and it was like everyone had taken their angry pills that day. I was going to blog about it at the time but I couldn't because I was so worked up from having 30 people yell at me for an hour. Anyway, so I got my A, and I'm pumped. And if you think anyone else in the class ever negotiated against the rest of the class, you'd be wrong. Just me. And for the record, I was asked to do that because I had missed class the week before because I was puking my brains out from a stomach virus. But whatever, worth it in the end. The negotiating, not the stomach virus. That still sucked.

And finally, I got a pretty hilarious graduation card in the mail yesterday from Lacey's parents and I wanted to share it because it's awesome.

On the front it shows 2 girls in cap and gown, and the first one says, "Where's your graduation party at?" and the other one replies, "Don't end a sentence with a preposition."

Then you open the card and the first one says, "Where's your graduation party at, bitch?"

HAHA, I love it.

The end.

This post brought to you by my ability to write run-on sentences.

Niecy Nash

Okay, this is yet another post about Dancing With the Stars. Shut up, I like it.

Even though she got kicked off last week, Niecy Nash is still one of my favorite contestants. She was completely hilarious, which is sort of expected seeing as she's a comedian (or, comedienne, whatever). And while it's amusing when she talks about how much she likes her "jiggly parts," and says things like, "Before the show, what I did to keep in shape was...nothing," the show totally takes it to a whole other level. I mean, the judges make fun of her for eating a lot and hardly an episode goes by without comments, sometimes in voice over, about how much she loves food.

Most women would find this offensive. Niecy, however, totally owns her weight and clearly doesn't care that others comment about it even when a lot of people would see this as one of those situations that's like, "I can make fun of myself but don't you dare make fun of me."

The thing that bothers me about this whole thing is that Niecy Nash is NOT THAT FAT. Sure, she rocks the T&A like nobody's business but she has a defined waistline! Her stomach is mostly flat! She's just a curvy woman and yes, if she wanted to lose weight I'm sure she could (as opposed to other female celebrities who probably don't have a full pound of fat on their entire bodies), but she by no means needs to. If she didn't have so much natural junk in the trunk she would probably wear a size 6. Maybe she even DOES wear a size 6.

I realize that the judges and hosts probably wouldn't say things if she didn't say them herself, but I really wish the whole thing would just be put to rest. It's like the producers were embarrassed to have a non-size zero in the top 5 so they felt the need to compensate by acknowledging Niecy's size over and over. And over.

I won't even get into how it's likely that the only reason Niecy lasted so long is because she's so awesomely hysterical. Because you know that no one likes large female celebrities unless they're funny. Or Oprah.

Very important question

I am taking a poll. A supremely important poll. Dealing with something I've been wondering about for a long time. And by that I mean, for about the last 5 minutes.

As I've mentioned before, once upon a time I used to wear pajamas everywhere. That time was called "college," and even though it was pretty normal to walk around the Tufts campus in your flannel pants with little sheep on them, I still kind of look back on that time and think, "Wait...really?" I mean, I met with professors in pajamas! Who does that?

Full disclosure: I wish I could still do that. But I won't.

Anyhoo, I'm wondering about another one of my habits and whether or not it is horrifically socially inappropriate, along the lines of wearing pajamas outside the house. Because it seems all fine and dandy to me, but since I pretty much always look like a hot mess, maybe I don't realize that I shouldn't be doing it.

My question, friends, is about going outside with wet hair. Yay or nay?

Note: I do not own a hair dryer. I know, I am officially kicked out of being a girl. But really. I strive to have the most low maintenance getting ready regimen that I can and who has time for that? Drying my hair turns it into an 80's style puffball and if you think I'm going to blowdry my hair and THEN spend the requisite 40 minutes to straighten it (yes, I own a flat iron. Last time I used it...unclear. And actually it's a wet-to-dry flat iron which eliminates the need for the hair dryer but I am still wholly unwilling to spend time using it), you...don't know me very well.

The point is, I either go outside with wet hair or I wait inside until it dries which takes about 6 millennia on my hair and I got places to go, man!

Am I going to one day look back upon this time, as I currently look back upon college, and think to myself, "Holy Jesus what was I doing?" Or is it okay for me to show my wet locks in public? I mean, at least this signifies to the world that I shower, right?

Why online dating is not my bag, baby

I've found myself in a number of conversations over the last few weeks about online dating. And then I read Jess's post about it. And then I felt the need to tell the world why I am anti-online dating (for me, not for anyone else. You all do what you want). And here I am!

I've done the online dating thing. Sort of. And by that I mean I don't think I really gave it the old college try (PS, what does that even mean? Raise your hand if you really tried all that hard in college. Ahem, crickets. I tried hard at playing beer pong). I mean, I talked to a lot of guys. I met a few. I had one surprise attack me with half-naked (the wrong half. Or right half, if that kind of things excites you) jumping jacks via a video chat function I didn't even know existed in the site's IM system. You know, the usual.

I started putting myself out there on the great internets because I was bored, I wanted to meet new people, and I was under a lot of peer pressure. But after a relatively short time I got sick of it and vowed to never do it again and here, my friends, are the reasons why:

1) I am too skeptical. In my world, all men are guilty until proven innocent. Or should I say, unfit to date me until proven otherwise. When I read online profiles, I don't see a wealth of potential soulmates or even potential I'd-be-willing-to-let-this-dude-buy-me-a-drink-and-see-if-it-goes-anywheres. I see dead people losers.

2) Everyone sounds the same. Every guy out there loves to travel, likes to go out and have fun but occasionally just relax at home on the couch with a movie, and wants a chill girl he can take home to mom. I'm sorry, but I have yet to meet anyone that's all "Fuck traveling! I hate vacations!" I am not a generic woman and I have no interest in meeting a generic man.

3) I hate dates. Some people like going on dates because you at the very least get to try new bars or restaurants, sometimes the other party even pays for your food or drinks, you get to meet someone new, and maybeeee it evolves into some kind of romance or at least a lustful encounter. I am not one of those people. I find small talk painful to engage in and free drinks or no free drinks, my time is more valuable to me when put towards...most anything else.

4) I just don't care enough. The whole aspect of meeting new people, whether you're hoping they turn into spouse material or you just want a fresh face to talk to, really has no appeal to me, I realized. Sure, I like meeting new people, but I like meeting them organically, not in some weird pre-determined setting that's rife with hope and expectation even if no one admits to that being the case. I don't feel that my life will suffer in any way if I DON'T find out who might be waiting there for me at match/eHarmony/Jdate/whatever. Especially because I've never gone on an internet date with someone who I wanted to see again, platonically or otherwise. So what's the point in meeting new people once? Unless they're single service friends, which these are not.

The point is, online dating is a waste of my money. Not yours necessarily, just mine. And despite Dan's advice, I am not about to start craigslist dating. Friends don't let friends meet people on craigslist. Or at least, they shouldn't.

I am a creepy dog stalker

For real.

Whenever I see an awesome dog on the street, I stare longingly at it, wishing I could throw it a tennis ball or give it some snausages or teach it cool tricks or at the very least, pat its head (I am totally not one of those people who asks to pet random strangers' dogs).

I sort of feel creepy when I do this. I'm not sure why. I guess because it's sort of weird to walk behind someone thinking to yourself, "Oh man I want this dog I want this dog I want this dog! What would happen if I just picked up this dog and ran away and then this great awesome dog would be mine? THIS DOG IS SO CUTE I LOVE IT."

And so on.

Although I imagine this is sort of similar to the way a lot of women feel when they're around babies. I totally lack that whole "my biological clock is ticking I WANT A BABY RIGHT NOW" feeling. Especially after riding the T today with a screaming child for 20 minutes. And I mean, full out shrieking to the point of nearly bursting everyone's eardrums and I'm pretty sure a few people actually got off the train early because it was so bad.

But dogs? I want one. And until I get one, which will probably not be for a long long time, I'm just going to be jealous of everyone else's. So, don't mind me staring.

Celebrate! I mean...celebrate?

A number of people have asked what I'm doing to celebrate being done with business school.

The answer is a sort of sad, "nothing."

Part of the reason why I thought finishing up with school would be anticlimactic is because I've been working every day. And since my homework was always more flexible than my work shifts, I would just write my papers and whatnot whenever I had free time, usually late at night. So essentially, my full-time student/part-time job thing became full-time job/part-time student. Finishing school was obviously NOT unexciting and I am still SUPER THRILLED but when I was done dancing around my apartment, off I went to work.

The point of the story is that originally, this coming Sunday was going to be my glorious celebration. It's the first day in a few weeks that I wasn't scheduled to work, the only other exception being this past Tuesday, when I turned down a shift to write a paper all day and give my final in-class presentation at night, so I'm hesitant to call it a "day off."

I had grand plans of going shopping and hopefully buying myself something nice as a graduation present, getting a manicure, maybe laying outside reading a book if it was nice out, getting some Anna's Taqueria and then settling in to watch Kendra (I LOVE ITTT). Just a day to myself to enjoy my freedom.

Now I'm working from 3 to 10 on Sunday so while I might still fit in a mani, my free day is sort of shot.

I kept telling myself (and...everyone who asked) that when I was done with school I'd have all this time to really buckle down and apply for jobs. Who was I kidding? Now that school is over, I'm getting assigned even more shifts at work and I have less free time than I have all year. The American Red Cross probably hates me because I keep scheduling appointments to donate blood and then canceling them when I get asked to work during that time.

I work hard for the money, damnit. And there's always time to celebrate later. Maybe.

This post sponsored by the washer and dryer I have in my apartment. Washer/dryer, you are a life saver during this crucial time, when I essentially wear the same clothes every single day. When I come home from work at 11 PM with coffee/wine/whatever all over my clothes and have to be back at work less than 12 hours later, you always come through. I will miss you when I leave.

No more pencils, no more books

I am DONE. Done done done.

Just a few short minutes ago I emailed to my professor my Very. Last. Business. School. Paper.

I thought it would be anticlimactic, seeing as it was just me in my pajamas editing away, but the intermittent screaming that ensued for 10 minutes afterwards would suggest otherwise.

No more papers.
No more PowerPoint presentations.
No more group projects.
No more classes.
No more ANYTHING.

Holy crap.

M.B.A.

THE LIST

The following is a conversation about dating that I had today:

Crapface: so...let's meet some guys this summer
Crapface: preferably non-dbags!
Arielle: good plan!
Crapface: nice high standards
Arielle: it's a start
Crapface: no criminal record?
Arielle: minimum bachelor's degree
Arielle: must live in manhattan?
Crapface: has a bed and doesn't sleep on the couch in the living room like one of the guys i dated 1L?
Arielle: doesn't regularly update wikipedia entries on obscure japanese cartoons like someone i dated a few years ago? (i use the word "dated" loosely here)
Crapface: man, it's amazing how many dealbreakers there are in this world
Crapface: you don't even know about all of them
Crapface: until you get to them and you're like "what?!? get a bed!"
Arielle: i have a list
Crapface: i do too but i didn't know i needed to include "doesn't disappear for 5 days to make a desk in an upstate carpentry mill"
Arielle: that's why you can always amend the list

Since I don't think I've ever posted THE LIST here, I figured now is a pretty good time. A few years ago, I was discussing with a friend the many types of people that I wouldn't date. He grabbed a pen and paper and started writing everything down. Though we forgot about the list for awhile, it resurfaced somehow and now exists as a t-shirt that also includes my name, picture and phone number. However, he refuses to give me the t-shirt until I agree to wear it in public. Which I have yet to do.

And now, the list of people I won't date! Only the ages have been updated since the list's original creation. My friend's original phrasing and commentary is still there.

1) Hobo
2) Visibly riddled with illness
3) Looks over 34
4) Looks under 25
5) Attractive...No?!?
6) Girls!
7) Beard (Rabbi level)
8) "Shorties"
9) Visibly bad/no teeth
10) No speaka da English
11) Albinos
12) Anatomically incorrect (6 fingers OK) (Ed note: This refers to things like missing arms and legs. Not..you know. Though that's important too)
13) Freakishly tall (6'9")
14) Noticeably Republican
15) Annoyingly religious
16) Too many tattoos ("ahh tattoos" level)
17) No makeup (non retroactive) (Ed note: Japanese cartoon guy wore cover up, I found out. Not okay)
18) Sketchy conversational opener (cat call, "you got a boyfriend?")
19) Noticeable gas problem/BO
20) Blood relatives (extra retardo babies)

And..there you have it. THE LIST.