Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts

In Lena Dunham's Corner

Friday, November 8, 2013
Lena Dunham is a pretty polarizing figure. Anyone familiar with her seems to have a pretty strong opinion - love her, hate her, love Girls, hate Girls, too much nudity, love the nudity, she's gorgeous, she's a troll.

Usually the Lena internet chatter is pretty minimal when there isn't a current Girls season airing, but the other day I came across this NY Post article about why Lena shouldn't follow through on her talks with Anna Wintour about posing for Vogue. The argument is that Vogue only puts heavier women on the cover as a way of occasionally showing, "oh hey, look at us, we're edgy and revolutionary because we put an ugly chick in our magazine," and not as a way of showing that those women - who, by the way, include Oprah, Adele, and Serena Williams, to name a few - are smart or talented or sexy or otherwise worthy of being on the cover of a famous fashion magazine.

I think this logic is totally flawed, and let me explain why (did I just ask for permission to write something on my own blog? I guess I did).



Lena Dunham is the shit. I don't know her personally, of course, so my opinions of her consist largely of what I can glean from a) Girls b) her Twitter account and c) Miranda July's We Think Alone project, where every Monday for 20 weeks you received an email digest consisting of personal emails from the archives of 9 celebrities, including Lena, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and Kirsten Dunst, among others.

From what I can tell, Lena is smart, funny, hard-working, humble, and passionate. She's a feminist role model, a confident woman, and does not appear to give a fuck what you think. I love all of these things about her. And sure, though it may not resonate with me 100% of the time, I think Girls is one of the best representations of life in New York that I've ever seen on TV. Though she may not have gotten the opportunity to write, produce, and star in her own show at age 26 without well-connected parents, I fully believe that she deserves it.

Though people have a ton of negative things to say about her, most of the controversy around Lena Dunham stems from the fact that she dares to walk around in her underwear on television despite, *gasp*, not having a perfect body. Ignoring the fact that the internet seems to think she wears a size 8, which is several sizes smaller than what the average American woman wears, I have to say - so what? Unless you live in Clockwork Orange, no one is forcing anyone to watch anything. If you don't want to see a size 8 woman play topless ping pong, you don't have to! It's a beautiful place we live in, isn't it? America the beautiful! Land of the free!

Frankly, I would give a lot of things to be a fraction as confident in my own skin as Lena is. I love the fact that she writes sex scenes for her Girls character much the same as she writes sex scenes for the other, super skinny characters. Maybe this shouldn't be necessary in order to demonstrate to some ignorant folks out there that you can be a "larger" woman and still be seen as sexually desirable, but I guess it is.

You know what else apparently needs to be very clearly explained to people? The fact that "fat" girls (I keep using quotation marks here because again, despite never having seen her in person I'm pretty sure Lena Dunham doesn't fully qualify) can take themselves seriously. I laughed just as much as the next person when Melissa McCarthy's character in Bridesmaids shamelessly hits on the air marshal. The only reason this bit landed with audiences is because we're not supposed to find her attractive. While I adore that movie and I really adore Melissa McCarthy, I appreciate that Lena doesn't feel the need to constantly poke fun at herself. She and her character Hannah are full and complete individuals who have lives - and relationships and problems and other real concerns - outside of their weight. But some people seem to think that if you're heavy, that's the be all and end all of who you are. As someone who is also in the not-even-close-to-size-zero range, I can always tell the difference between someone who views me as a normal human being and someone who views me strictly as a "fat chick." While I love the moments when I'm able to make my friends laugh (and I swear there was a time when I used to be funny on my blog), I resent the occasional pressure I feel to always be funny, partially because I'm not always funny, and partially because my weight doesn't preclude me from experiencing other emotions or eliciting those emotions from others.

But back to Vogue!

I think Lena should absolutely pose for the cover of Vogue. I'm not concerned that Vogue typically only puts the ultra svelte elite on their cover, even though this is true. If they truly only wanted Lena on the cover to prove that they don't feature thin girls 100% of the time, they wouldn't need to put her (or Oprah, or Adele, or Serena) on the cover - they could feature any overweight Jo Shmo. Or Jane Shmo, I guess I should say. But they choose women who are powerful and remarkable for exactly that reason - these women are powerful and remarkable and thus, worthy of recognition. They may not look like the typical Vogue cover model, but they're still worth highlighting.

Think about it this way: let's say Lena Dunham really wanted to be on the cover of Vogue, and they initially said no because she has curves and thighs that rub together when she walks. Then Vogue reverses its decision and says yes. Should Lena then refuse on principle because they didn't initially want her? Or should she seize the opportunity to do her small part in setting, or at least continuing, the precedent that you can grace the cover of Vogue by virtue of your accomplishments and not your tiny waistline? (Even if Vogue does a kind of annoying thing and photoshops you to the point of making it look like you have a tiny waistline. Baby steps, small victories, etc etc). Is there anyone out there who truly believes that the only reason anyone would ever put Oprah in a magazine is to prove that they don't have an anti-fat stance? I mean, Oprah is kind of the unofficial queen of the world.

I'm pretty low on the spectrum of people who follow celebrity news, but even I am tired of the anti-Lena rhetoric. I'm weary of reading comments about how fat she is, how she looks like a "sea cow," or how Girls is so unrealistic because no one who looks like her could ever have as much sex as Hannah does. Why can't we applaud someone for being bold and for kicking ass despite not conforming to conventional (and bullshit) standards of beauty?

Lena, I hope I do see you on the cover of Vogue one day. I probably won't buy it, because a Target-clad lady such as myself has no interest in high fashion, but it would certainly be the first issue of Vogue that I ever flip through while standing in the aisles of CVS.

Get it, girl.

Breaking Bad...is so good

Thursday, October 25, 2012
In the last year and a half or so, I've decided to join the rest of the world by catching up on TV. The shows I previously watched consisted almost entirely of reality shows - Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, So You Think You Can Dance, and so on. In fact, I think when Glee first aired it may have been the only scripted show I watched at all.

And so, armed with the Netflix subscription that I allowed myself to re-subscribe to after finishing business school, I started powering through some of the "better" shows that I had missed.

There were shows that I hated, like Parks and Rec.

There were shows that I liked but didn't necessarily love, like How I Met Your Mother or Weeds.

Mostly, though, due to having friends with good taste in TV, I watched shows that I absolutely adored. Arrested Development, Downton Abbey, 30 Rock, Archer, Mad Men, and Friday Night Lights, just to name a few.

But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, prepared me for Breaking Bad.

If you had told me 6 months ago that I would find a TV show that I loved more than Friday Night Lights, I don't think I would have believed you. Because, as most of you know because you've probably watched it, FNL is ridiculously good. Don't even get me started.

The thing about Breaking Bad is that it took me forever to really get into it. I watched the first season and a half over the course of what was probably 2 full months. I liked it, but I just didn't have the desire to watch it ALL THE TIME.

For some reason, towards the end of season 2, I became obsessed. I started watching as many episodes as I possibly could on a given day. I'm done with season 4 and I cannot wait to get started on season 5 because seriously, WHERE WILL IT GO FROM HERE SEASON 4 WAS SO CRAZY.

Here's why I love Breaking Bad:

1) The plot, obviously. It's compelling and interesting and suspenseful and a whole host of other good things.

2) The acting. Amazeballs. The acting is so good that you realize that Aaron Paul is hot but it's like you don't even care because he's just so awesome (remember that time you watched an episode of FNL and didn't think about how hot Tim Riggins is? No, because that never happened).

3) The characters. They're good! They're evil! It's all over the place in an insanely awesome way because everyone has so much depth to them. And then people die and it's like I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M HAPPY OR SAD ABOUT THIS BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO GREAT AND ALSO SO AWFUL.

4) The complexities. This show is complex in a way that isn't confusing, much the opposite of what I imagine Lost to be like, though I've never seen it and have no interest in seeing it. Or if you watch Revenge, which is also a pretty good show, you'll know that Revenge is both complex AND confusing. Which is annoying. Breaking Bad gives you these little snippets of things that happened in the past that shed light on certain people or events or situations and you're like, "OH SHIT YO" because, oh hey, you just opened up a whole new can of crazy worms. But they're awesome. Awesome crazy worms.

How did I get on worms? This took a weird turn.

5) The gore. I don't love gore. In fact, whenever I watch fight scenes I do that thing where you turn your head but maybeeeee every so often peek at the screen, or I cover my eyes with my hands and sort of look through my fingers a little. I don't deal well with watching that kind of stuff. HOWEVER, the blood on Breaking Bad is mostly surprise blood, so I don't have time to worry about it because HOLY SHIT, that just happened. And all I'm saying is, if I'm going to watch someone's throat get slit, I'd rather not know it's coming.

Okay, and in the interest of fairness, but mostly because I spend so much time thinking about this show that I don't want to stop writing about it, here are 2 things I don't like about it:

1) You may have seen me say this on Facebook or Twitter already, but must Bryan Cranston be in his underwear so often? It's excessive.

2) If Jesse can learn to cook Walt's special blue meth without knowing anything about chemistry, why does no one realize that probably ANYONE could learn to do this? It makes no sense to me that everyone acts as though Walt and Jesse are the only 2 people on the planet who can cook meth with that high a purity level.

Okay, I'm done. Seriously, guys. Breaking Bad.

Leadership vs. Management

Sunday, April 29, 2012
When I was in business school, my specialization was "Leadership and Management," which sometimes prompts people to poke fun at me and ask me how my MBA taught me to lead and manage people, as if that can't possibly be taught (I believe it can, but that's not the point).

Earlier this year I read Good to Great, a book that I'm pretty sure they should never let you out of business school without having read it first, but whatever. It's all about what differentiates good companies from great ones.

One of the things the book talks about is the difference between leadership and management, something that I don't think any of my MBA classes ever really touched on. The difference, to put it far less eloquently than the book does, is that management is about strategic direction, and leadership is about accomplishing tasks that fulfill that direction. The problem with a lot of companies is that they get so bogged down in DOING that they never take a step back to wonder if they're even doing the right things.

This resonated with me not in a business sense, but in a LIFE sense. And I have a stupid yet perfect example of it.

In early 2009 I was going through a rough patch, and so in order to distract myself from the things that were bothering me I started watching a lot more TV. I found television to be a convenient way to put my thoughts on hold for 30 to 60 minutes. During this period I became a fan of American Idol.

In 2010, having been so into American Idol the prior year, I added it to my spring TV rotation. I kept watching every week, only this time, things were different. I wasn't riveted to the screen. I would fast forward certain parts, or get distracted by Facebook during performances. I didn't even bother watching the results shows, opting to just find out later who got kicked off.

Yet I kept watching. Because I HAD to. I'm a fan of American Idol now! I watch this show! Must check this off the weekly TV to-do list!

One day, I had a realization.

I FUCKING HATE AMERICAN IDOL.

And so, just like that, I stopped watching. I have no idea what happened for the rest of that season or any season since then.

When it came to my television habits, I was leading my life, but I wasn't managing it. I got so caught up in the shows I thought I liked and stressing myself out about whether or not I had actually seen that week's episode that I was completely ignoring the fact that I wasn't even getting enjoyment out of it anymore.

TV is unfortunately not the only area of my life where I feel like I'm going through the motions but not actually thinking critically about whether what I'm doing even makes any sense. So I'm going to try to be more cognizant of the things I do, particularly the routine ones, and think about whether I'm doing them because I've always done them or because they're really helping me achieve some sort of goal or purpose. Results TBD! Or you know, not.

And in an unrelated (or possibly related, if I gave it some more thought) note, I'm quitting drinking for a month. Extra extra, read all about it.

Why I love TV

Monday, April 11, 2011
I know I don't watch nearly as much TV as some of you, and most of what I DO watch is nearly universally seen as complete crap, but I still get really into the shows that I watch.

Let's be clear, here. I don't vote during reality shows. Ever. Gotta draw the line somewhere. But I get upset when people I like get kicked off shows (Carla from Top Chef, love you!), get ecstatically happy when good things happen (most things on Glee!), and sometimes even shed a tear (remember when Mondo on Project Runway started talking about having the HIV? SNIFFLES).

The real reason, my friends, that I get so emotionally invested in TV shows is because I don't get emotionally invested in much else.

Initially, that statement said "the reason people like me get so emotionally invested," but to be honest I haven't met anyone else like me (if you're out there though, call me, let's start a support group).

Seriously, though. I do experience emotions, but I don't seem to go through the same highs and lows that other people do. When I'm happy it's more of a "yay!" then a jump up and down and scream and shout kind of reaction. I have one of those big full blown out cries maybe once a year. I'm honestly not even sure I've had one since 2009.

I realize that this is more about the fact that I don't SHOW my emotions than the fact that I don't actually FEEL them, but sometimes I think the two are related. Yes, I keep most things inside, but how much can you internalize sadness before it bursts out of you and turns into crying? The answer is, not THAT much. And I know this because I'm an excellent internalizer and even I have been through super rough periods where I've cried every day.

THE POINT IS, most of the time I just kind of breeze through life, taking it all in and never having extremely strong reactions to anything. Television, in a weird kind of way, allows me to experience emotions from the safe distance of not-anything-to-do-with-my-life. So I'm not personally invested in it. It's like practice, or playing pretend. I can get into my show, react all I want, and then move on.

This is possibly not healthy but if I'm not going to super emotional in my own life, I think it's better to express things as a reaction to TV than it is to not have an outlet for them at all. Right? Right.

Because it's been too long since I've posted about Glee

Thursday, January 27, 2011
As we all know, I am pretty much pro-Glee all the time. But seeing as I'm sort of an adult and can look at things critically, I'm able to look past my insane obsession and recognize its faults. If I were 17 and not 27 I'm pretty sure I'd think Glee was capable of doing no wrong. I was stupid when I was 17.

Proof: The day I got into college, I was pulling into my school's parking lot on my way back from lunch, and I saw my friend Rebekah. I was so excited to share the good news that I found a parking space, leapt out of my car and ran over to her. Afterward I went back to my car to get my backpack, and I realized that I had locked myself out of my car. With the keys in the ignition. While the car was running. Thanks, Tufts, for not post-rejecting me. Anyway, I digress.

The thing about Glee, as much as I love it dearly, is that sometimes the music just flat out sucks. In fact, a few weeks ago Lacey and I were wandering around Toys R Us (don't ask), and she commented that sometimes Glee sounds like Kidz Bop, and I have to agree.

So I've compiled a few lists of Glee songs. They are in no particular order, FYI.

8 Glee Songs Which, I'm Sorry to Say, Totally Butchered the Original Into A Million Sad Little Pieces
1. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler. BLECH. GARBAGE. AWFUL.
2. Somebody to Love - Queen. I know this is one of Glee's most popular songs. I used to like it until I re-listened to the original. The Glee version strips this song of all emotion.
3. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen. It's not that I think you can't touch Queen so much as this SUCKED.
4. Gold Digger - Kanye West. Note to Matthew Morrison: you are super sexy but please do not rap ever again.
5. Baby One More Time - Britney Spears. This was actually painful to listen to. Quite possibly the worst Glee song ever.
6. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z, Alicia Keys. Puck - please see #4. That goes for you too.
7. One - U2.
8. Another One Bites the Dust - Queen. Okay, yup, another Queen song. Sorry.


8 Glee Songs Where the Originals Were Undeniably Awesome and Hard to Match but Where Glee Did A Very Respectable Job
1. River Deep, Mountain High - Tina Turner. SAY WHAT YOU WANT. It's Tina, I know. But Glee totally rocked it and I don't even currrr.
2. I Wanna Hold Your Hand - The Beatles. Amazing. That's all.
3. Hello, I Love You - The Doors. Finn was hot singing this. WORK IT.
4. Like a Prayer - Madonna
5. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga. Love the mix of voices on this one
6. Valerie - Amy Winehouse. Amy has a crazy ass voice but Santana did a pretty good job on this.
7. Start Me Up - Rolling Stones/Livin On a Prayer - Bon Jovi. This mashup was fabulous.
8. Proud Mary - Ike and Tina Turner. What can I say? Glee likes Tina.

10 Glee Songs Where Glee Dominated the Original
1. Hate On Me - Jill Scott. I just like Mercedes' voice better than Jill Scott's. Wham.
2. The Only Exception - Paramore. I'm biased because I hate Paramore. WHATEVER.
3. Dream On - Aerosmith. 3 words: Neil. Patrick. Harris.
4. Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars. So adorable. I loved this whole episode.
5. The Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine. TINA! Killed it.
6. Teenage Dream - Katy Petty. This is a no brainer because I hate Katy Perry and the Glee version was sung by an a cappella group from Tufts. WIN.
7. 4 Minutes - Madonna/Justin Timberlake. Mercedes as Justin and Kurt as Madonna? Yes, please.
8. Faithfully - Journey. I almost couldn't bear to put this down since I'm not crazy about the rest of what Glee has done to Journey, BUT..I must give credit where credit is due.

A little Emmy's snark for you

Monday, August 30, 2010
As you know, last night we had the joy of watching Glee get robbed of most of the Emmys for which it was nominated. Though I wasn't even planning on watching because the vast majority of the TV I watch is by no means Emmy-worthy (Real World/Road Rules challenges what WHAT), I got a last minute call to liveblog from Dan who, as you may remember, was my partner in liveblogging the Oscars earlier this year. We were joined this time by the fabulous Jess, and even though the Emmys weren't all that exciting after the first 10 minutes (I even abandoned the last hour to watch Mad Men), we still managed to squeeze in a few gems. Here are my favorites:


Jess: God I hate Seacrest. It's like watching a man's soul leaving his body on live TV.


Jess: Is it my TV or is Guiliana orange?


Arielle: ...not that i follow any of the glee cast on twitter or anything
Jess: I've @ replied Corey Montieth like three times


Arielle: the top of her dress looks like spray-painted seashells
Arielle: like an art project i would have done at sleepaway camp



Arielle: oh no
Arielle: naya rivera has a pineapple on her head

(Ed note: HELLLOOOOOO Mark Salling)


Jess: Oh my god Billy Bush and the chick on NBC doing the fashion stuff is awful
Jess: and she's a raging bitch
Dan: love it when you get mad jess
Dan: you go big


On Lost:
Jess: Yeah there was stuff unanswered
Jess: But the finale was so emotional
Jess: Bawled off all my make up


Jess: if you don't cry in Up, dead inside
Jess: fact
Dan: well I didn't cry
Dan: but I DID feel bad
Dan: (I felt bad because I spilled my Mr Pibb)


Arielle: this chick needs a bra
Arielle: or some chicken cutlets
Jess: for real
Jess: no free boobing it


Arielle: can i just put Hugh Laurie, Jon Hamm, Joel McHale and Cory Monteith in a room together?
Jess: Can I put Kyle Chandler, John Krasinski, Cory, Mark Salling and Matthew Morrison in mine?
Dan: my room would just be scarlett j
Dan: mila kunis would be in line to get in the room
Dan: then diane lane
Arielle: betty white
Jess: Good call
Jess: betty white, I'm sure she knows her way around a....
Arielle: nursing home?


On the Oscars winning an Emmy:
Arielle: an awards show winning an award at an awards show?
Arielle: how meta

That's it for now. See you all at the...whatever the next good awards show is.

The best and worst dream

Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I freaking hate really good dreams. Some people wake up from an awesome dream and think, "Man, that dream kicked ass. I'm going to be in the BEST MOOD EVER all day!" I wake up from a good dream and think, "Motherf'er, my life is never going to be like that. Sad face."

2 nights ago, I had a dream where I was dating Cory Monteith. It wasn't even a makeout dream (PS, who else loved when Kristin Chenoweth was all, "Will Schuester? I just had a sex dream about you!"). In fact, I don't remember anything that happened. We might have been on some kind of It's A Small World-esque amusement park ride where you sit in a little boat and see cool stuff, but even that detail is sort of fuzzy. The point is, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WAKING UP FROM A DREAM WHERE YOU'RE DATING CORY MONTEITH? It sucks.

If you don't know who Cory Monteith is, I mean, why are you even here and are we even really friends? Go away. But to fill you in, he plays Finn on Glee, hence why I already referenced Glee in this post. But my dream wasn't about the character Finn (hi, 16 is a little young for me and probably illegal in many states), it was about the actor Cory, who, according to IMDB, is 28.

And whatever, I don't care if I think about Glee too much or tweet about Glee too much. I love it.

For real, though. Cory, if you're reading this, call me. I don't even care that you're Canadian.

And for the future, I would much rather stick to weird dreams over good ones. That way I don't walk around all day in a "Boo hoo I'm not actually dating a totally adorable TV star" funk.

GLEE CONCERT!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2010
A few months ago, Lacey and I had a gchat conversation that went something like this:

Lacey: Glee concert! May 28th and 29th at Radio City. We're going.
Arielle: Dude, I have a bachelorette party in Boston on the 29th, I can't be in New York that weekend.
L: BOOOO.
(pause while Arielle looks up info on the Glee tour)
A: Wait, there's no shows in Boston!?!
L: No, it's only like 4 cities or something.
A: Alright, guess I'm coming to NYC that Friday!

And that was that. We bought tickets, and I went to New York for 24 hours to see Glee in concert with Lacey and the Dave, and it was SO WORTH IT. Especially since we had these bad boys:


Yes, these are OMGLEE t-shirts. Be jealous.

So, the show was amazing. It started off with some sick dancing by the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, featuring Other Asian AKA Mike Chang AKA Harry Shum Jr. And then...GLEE! The cast sang such fabulous numbers as Defying Gravity, both the guys' and girls' mash-ups, Bad Romance, Bust Your Windows, The Boy is Mine, and SO MANY OTHERS. It was wonderful.

And just when we thought it couldn't get any better...


Oh, is that Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch? YES IT IS. Surprise!

And then Mr. Schue and Puck proceeded to sing the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (no, I did not know this last name off the top of my head) version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow which I absolutely adore and I'm excited for whenever they actually sing this on the show.

Some of my other favorite show moments: Lea Michele being surrounded by no fewer than 4 bodyguards when coming down the aisle for Don't Rain On My Parade, True Colors (I love Tina!), and pretty much any time Brittany got to say anything.

And in honor of the concert, here is a list of my top ten favorite overall Glee performances:

10. Papa Don't Preach (Quinn is underrated)
9. The Lady is a Tramp (Puck, you've grown on me)
8. Somebody to Love. (Classic)
7. Hello, I Love You (Welcome back Finn, your voice has improved!)
6. Don't Rain On My Parade (Lea Michele has some PIPES, man)
5. Bad Romance (Obvi. Costumes/ridiculousness/Gaga)
4. Dream On (3 words for you: NEIL. PATRICK. HARRIS.)
3. Alone (Kristin Chenoweth, big heart)
2. 4 Minutes (Kurt doesn't sound like a girl. Fabulous)
1. Proud Mary (Great song, wheelchair choreography AND a poignant message.)

Niecy Nash

Sunday, May 16, 2010
Okay, this is yet another post about Dancing With the Stars. Shut up, I like it.

Even though she got kicked off last week, Niecy Nash is still one of my favorite contestants. She was completely hilarious, which is sort of expected seeing as she's a comedian (or, comedienne, whatever). And while it's amusing when she talks about how much she likes her "jiggly parts," and says things like, "Before the show, what I did to keep in shape was...nothing," the show totally takes it to a whole other level. I mean, the judges make fun of her for eating a lot and hardly an episode goes by without comments, sometimes in voice over, about how much she loves food.

Most women would find this offensive. Niecy, however, totally owns her weight and clearly doesn't care that others comment about it even when a lot of people would see this as one of those situations that's like, "I can make fun of myself but don't you dare make fun of me."

The thing that bothers me about this whole thing is that Niecy Nash is NOT THAT FAT. Sure, she rocks the T&A like nobody's business but she has a defined waistline! Her stomach is mostly flat! She's just a curvy woman and yes, if she wanted to lose weight I'm sure she could (as opposed to other female celebrities who probably don't have a full pound of fat on their entire bodies), but she by no means needs to. If she didn't have so much natural junk in the trunk she would probably wear a size 6. Maybe she even DOES wear a size 6.

I realize that the judges and hosts probably wouldn't say things if she didn't say them herself, but I really wish the whole thing would just be put to rest. It's like the producers were embarrassed to have a non-size zero in the top 5 so they felt the need to compensate by acknowledging Niecy's size over and over. And over.

I won't even get into how it's likely that the only reason Niecy lasted so long is because she's so awesomely hysterical. Because you know that no one likes large female celebrities unless they're funny. Or Oprah.

Live from the 82nd Academy Awards...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010
...are your ever-inebriated and awesome correspondents, myself and Dan. And by this I mean we had been scheming for weeks to liveblog (AKA gchat during) the Oscars. It was everything I expected and more - snarky comments, booze (Jack and DCs for me), and me discovering my magical ability to accurately predict winners at the very last second. You can read Dan's excellent recap, full of 100% new gchat quotes, here.

Oscar night proved to me a number of different things. First, that great minds really do think alike.

Dan:
oh look at morgan freeman
Dan:
he has a glove on his left hand
And then at the same time:
Dan: does this asshole think he's MJ?!
Arielle:
tribute to MJ?

Second, that Dan is far more quick-witted than I am.
Arielle: is this the music from jurassic park?
Dan: haha its ET
Dan: who just happens to be hiding under her dress
(I really wish I remember who was on screen at the time)


Arielle: tom ford sort of looks like keanu reeves
Dan:
he like, totally knows kung fu

Dan:
and Precious wins one
Arielle:
did this guy just run a marathon?
Arielle:
why is he wheezing
Dan:
he was probably on the can when they were announcing the nominees

I also learned, or rather reinforced, that I am heinously immature.

Arielle:
did jlo just say butt sanders?
Arielle
: as in that's someone's name?
Arielle
: i guess ill never know

Talking about Gabourey Sidibe from Precious:
Arielle: it would suck if your name rhymed with "cabaret"
Arielle: come to the gabareeeeeey

Sometimes, alcohol causes you to be hilarious and/or ridiculous.

Arielle:
helen mirren looks like an uppity bitch
Dan:
damn helen mirren
Dan:
I mean, dame
Dan:
lolololol

Arielle: omg is that baby baldwin?

Dan:
is that courtney love?!
Arielle: are you talking about michelle pfeiffer?
Dan: yeah at first her hair looked weird

The awesomeness abounded. But obviously I already knew we were awesome.

When James Taylor was about to perform:
Arielle:
you've got a friend!
Dan:
how sweet is to be loved byyyy youuu
Arielle
: or you know, he can sing a beatles song, i guess
Arielle
: on a scale of 1 to 10, how pissed would you be if you were james taylor and the producers were like "you're going to sing someone else's song"
Dan:
2 words: Hulk Smash

Dan:
nice jacket streisand
Arielle:
is she wearing a curtain around her neck?
Dan:
ahaha
Dan:
she wants to be a pirate
(a few minutes later)
Arielle:
pirate is exiting stage right
Dan:
shiver me timbers

In addition to my constant obsessing over how much I loved Inglourious Basterds was my constant obsessing over Ryan Reynolds.

Arielle:
bradley cooper: the poor man's ryan reynolds
Dan:
oh you'd still hook it up
Arielle:
duh

The end. See you at the MTV Movie Awards, mayhaps?

The Miss America Pageant: Because Saturdays are meant to be spent in sweatpants

Saturday, January 30, 2010
The scene: In my living room, decked out in a very sexy head-to-toe maroon sweatpants/hoodie ensemble. Oh, and can't forget the glorious nap socks.

The event: Miss America 2010, yo

Who I want to win, in this order:

1. Miss New York (obvi)
2. Miss New Jersey (also obvi)
3. Miss North Carolina (she's an AOII, sisters4lyfe)
4. Miss Nevada (because of my love for Vegas)
5. Miss Louisiana (because of my love for New Orleans)
6. Miss Massachusetts (obligatory but not genuine)

The Opening
8:01 PM: I could have choreographed a better opening dance than this
8:03 PM: In her intro, Miss Alaska made a joke about not being able to see Russia from her house. I'm putting her above MA on my list of hopefuls.
8:07 PM: I FUCKING CALLED IT, MISS NEW JERSEY MADE JOKES ABOUT JERSEY SHORE!!!

Proof:
(08:05:26 PM) Arielle: what are the odds that miss new jersey will say something about jersey shore?
(08:05:38 PM) Crapface: hahahahah

(08:07:34 PM) Crapface: you called it
(08:07:37 PM) Arielle: YESSSSSSS
(08:07:41 PM) Crapface: hahaha 10 points

Sorority joke from another AOII sister, via Crapface: "I hope NC's talent is 'take your man around the corner.' " (If you were in any sorority, or possibly even a fraternity, you will probably get this. Non-Greeks, sorry).

8:12 PM: Clinton Kelly looks like crap. Crappity crap. Oh Clinton, lose the facial hair.
8:19 PM: OH MY GOD SHAWN JOHNSON IS A JUDGE. Love. Her.
8:20 PM: Rush Limbaugh is a judge too? Was everyone picked out of a random grab bag o' moderately famous people?
8:27 PM: Miss Indiana is ass ugly. Sorry.
8:28 PM: Miss Hawaii is a semifinalist! I'm excited to see her because her talent is...hula (shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior) (yes, I sort of did some research yesterday)
8:30 PM: Miss Nebraska looks OLDDD

(08:30:00 PM) Crapface: she looks ancient
(08:30:02 PM) Arielle: she looks old

8:31 PM: Okay, the only person out of my top picks that made it to the semifinals is Miss Louisiana. Bummer city.

The Swimsuit Competition
8:40 PM: Look, you can SAY the swimsuit competition is about health and fitness, but you're not fooling anyone. You want fitness? Let's see these bitches benchpress.
8:42 PM: My girl Miss LA is practically spilling out of her top. Somewhere in NOLA, beads are being thrown at the TV screen in her boobalicious honor.
8:49 PM: LOUISIANA MAKES IT TO THE EVENINGWEAR ROUND. Hell yes.

The Eveningwear Round
8:54 PM: Oklahoma stumbles on the stairs. Plus, her dress looks like a weird mermaid fin gone awry.
8:56 PM: Virginia's BRIGHTER THAN A HIGHLIGHTER yellow dress hurts my eyes.
8:57 PM: Colorado's dress legit looks like she played that game in Super Mario 3 where you have to match up the 3 pieces of the mushroom or the flower or whatever. From the thighs down it looks like a completely different dress.
8:58 PM: Texas stumbles before she even gets to the stairs. The bottom of her dress looks like it was made from a shag carpet.

The Talent Competition
9:08 PM: If Shawn Johnson has anything to do with it, the ballerina will get cut. Because ballet is like gymnastics only wussier.
9:09 PM: Virginia is singing that song from Dreamgirls that Beyonce sings about 80 times better. Virginia, when it comes to Dreamgirls, you can't touch Beyonce. Or Jennifer Hudson. Or even Mercedes from Glee. GOD I MISS GLEE.
9:14 PM: Louisiana made it!! WOOHOO! (They're calling people one by one). She's a pretty dope piano player.
9:22 PM: Watching Nebraska "jazz dance" is like watching the audition rounds of So You Think You Can Dance when some people REALLY SUCK and you can't tell if the whole thing is a joke or if they're serious.
9:24 PM: Tennessee, you do NOT have the pipes to do "I Will Always Love You" justice. Let Whitney do Whitney's thing.
9:27 PM: Texas's little pop-up video style fun fact just said "Is inspired by Batman." Umm WHAT!?!
9:31 PM: I am underwhelmed by the hula. P.S. You know you've been affected by pop culture when you keep writing "hulu" instead of "hula."

The Question and Answer Round
9:43 PM: These are all pretty bogus, fluffy questions and answers.
9:44 PM: Louisiana makes it to this round too! Yeah babyyy. She pretty much sucked and didn't even answer her question properly.

The Reveal
4th Runner Up: Miss Kentucky
3rd Runner Up: Miss Louisiana (DOH, you were my girl Louisiana!)
2nd Runner Up: Miss Tennessee
1st Runner Up: Miss California
I am totally predicting Hawaii for the win. Saying it RIGHT NOW.
The winna is....Virginia (I lose).

9:58 PM: Virginia just mouthed "THANK YOU JESUS!" and her mom is wearing an inappropriately short dress. I hate her already.

Aaaaand scene.

The Sing Off

Okay. I saw a Facebook update earlier today that the Beelzebubs, the all male a cappella group at Tufts that had that campus-wide level of popularity that the football team probably has at a normal school, were going to be on some show. And because I LOVE MY ALMA MATER TO DEATH, I wanted to support.

I turn on the show and find it's an a cappella reality show competition. Fine. I frankly haven't thought about a cappella at all since graduating because I didn't think anyone cared about a cappella outside of Northeast liberal arts colleges, but I will support my Jumbos in whatever they choose to do.

Now that the show is over, I have some opinions (shocking) and I NEED TO SHARE THEM.

Nota, the Puerto Rican dudes
- I had a problem with them but I don't remember what it was. So I guess it couldn't have been that bad.

The old dudes
- I hated HATED their version of Bon Jovi. It was high-pitched and peppy and totally not as rough and dirty as my Jersey man JBJ needs to be.
- I particularly hated this because their little bio clip was all about how rock and roll they are and how they're not even a cappella, they're a "vocal rock band" and blahdeeblah and then they cheesed it out more than anybody. Shameful.

The Jesus Freaks
- I don't even care what their real name is. All I need to hear is ChristiansJesusGod and I'm over it.
- I already forgot what song they sang (thanks, brain cells, for sticking with me) but I remember thinking that the soloist sounded like she was uncomfortable in the low register at the beginning.

The Mormons
- Again, they probably have a real name and I don't even care what it is.
- They sang Aretha. They didn't have the soul to pull it off. I mean, A for effort, but...no.
- Also, I can't get down with people who a) use the word "cuss" and b) are anti-cursing (sorry, "cussing"). I mean, no need to drop F bombs left and right, but, come on. Cursing is awesome when well-placed. SHIT. See? Awesome.

The Bubs
- GO TUFTS!
- Their theatrics were ca-razzy, but all the judges called them pitchy and I agree. But still, super adorable.
- JUMBOS 4LYFE

The Moms
- Seriously? An old lady group? They're even dressed like a bunch of nerds.
- The Moms redeemed themselves when they showed that they're going to be singing Rehab tomorrow. They have a sense of humor. Love it. Well, like it, at least.

The Socal Vocal Shmocals
- I think they were called the SoCals? Whatever.
- This group was the most talented in my opinion. However, in the clip before their performance, their requisite sob story was that some girl has acid reflux that sometimes affects her singing. Really? Who cares? Sometimes I get acid reflux from drinking too much vodka and it affects my ability to keep drinking. SOMEBODY CALL THE WAH-MBULANCE. (PS, you know who didn't need a sob story? THE BUBS).
- Also, don't compare yourself to Glee and then not compare yourself to Glee and then come out singing a Glee song that Glee sings infinitely better. GLEE OWNS YOU, SOCAL VOCAL.

The Crappy Ones
- The last group just sounded like garbage. How did they make it on this show?

I was going to talk about the judges, but...I need to stop. Big heart for Ben Folds, though.

Update: Thanks to Anna for this lovely comment via email: "I didn't like the acid reflux situation. And I love how she was like "this might be my last chance." What do you mean?? Can't you buy pepto at duane reade for 5 dolla?"

HAHA.

I'm going to like this show.

Glee's secret Jew joke!

Friday, October 23, 2009
Discussing this week's episode of Glee at dinner tonight made me realize that I probably noticed something that many of you did not. And because I know there are oh soooo many Glee lovers out there, I thought I would share.

Everyone remembers the part where Puck talks about his annual family ritual of watching Schindler's List, yes? Good.

What he actually said was that his family has their "Simchat Torah screening" of the movie.

Simchat Torah, for those who don't know, is a seriously celebratory Jewish holiday that involves dancing, singing, and general merriment. In large amounts. I mean, people go ca-razzy. And thus I couldn't help but chuckle when he said that his family watches Schindler's List (obviously, not exactly a celebratory kind of movie) on this holiday.

And now you guys can laugh too. =)

Memories of my glory days

Sunday, August 16, 2009
I have a confession.

I am really into the ABC Family show "Make It or Break It."

Actually, this post isn't at all about how or why I'm slightly ashamed to be a fan of a show on ABC Family. "Make It or Break It," if you don't know, is a show about a bunch of girls on a competitive gymnastics team in Colorado. They have boy drama, freak out over nationals, sneak and get cortisone shots behind their parents backs, all this. I watch it because I'm an ex-competitive gymnast. In case I needed an excuse.

Aside from obvious things that come along with the show being fictional, there's one element that's so unrealistic that it drives me nuts.



Do you see the girl on the left? How hair is flying all down her head and her bangs are out of control? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN THE WORLD OF COMPETITIVE GYMNASTICS.

Gymnasts are forced to pull Every. Strand. Of Hair. back from their faces. There are no crazy bangs, no hair falling out of the ponytail. You use multiple elastics, hair spray, bobby pins, and those metallic snappy clips that I don't know what they're called outside of Jew school where we used to call them "Kippah Clips" because boys would wear them to secure their yamakas.

The girl on the right has it down. The chick in the middle may or may not have her hair half up, but I can't really tell. If she does, that too is totally unacceptable and would never fly in a gym, especially one in which girls are supposedly the best in the country.

Seriously, people. Putting your hair up before gymnastics practice is a time consuming ritual. One that, like any weird thing we're exposed to as children, took me a long time to recover from. The progression from that level of ponytail precision to the 10 seconds it now takes me to put my hair up was a slow one, and for a long time I was sporting kippah clips and bobby pins to volleyball practice in high school. Like our childhood blankets, I guess it's something that you eventually grow out of (except Lacey, who has not so much grown out of the nasty doll that she's had since forever. Heh).

And don't forget about my contest! You can win a $25 Best Buy gift card! ENTER.

America's favorite dancer?

Thursday, August 6, 2009
Another season of So You Think You Can Dance has come and gone. Before I scare anyone off who hasn't watched the finale yet, I am NOT going to spoil any results. So simma donna.

Before I get to the point of this post, I would just like to say how sad I am that they didn't bring back Janette and Brandon's Wade Robson cartoony thief routine. That was by far my favorite and WHY ARE YOU BRINGING BACK DANCES THAT WE JUST SAW LAST NIGHT? Whatevs.

So we crowned America's favorite dancer tonight, and I kind of want to turn to one Mr. Nigel Lythgoe and any other decision makers on this show and say, "Really? America's Favorite Dancer? This is the best you can come up with?"

Let's think about other titles that people can win on reality shows. Top Chef! America's Next Top Model! And in the case of Project Runway (among others), just the straight up WINNER. All those titles are powerful. They denote pure awesomeness. America's favorite dancer? Meh.

We, as a country, have such a short attention span that we can't focus on anything for more than 2 seconds. We love Britney Spears! We hate Britney Spears! France is awesome! The French suck! Oh wait, it's cool to eat French Fries again! Michael Jackson is the shit! Michael Jackson is a creepy child molester! Michael Jackson is THE GREATEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED!

You see, we're a bunch of morons and we don't hold the same opinion of anything for longer than it takes to Twitter about it. One person may have won America's favorite dancer tonight, but we all know that in one month's time when the new season starts, that title will pretty much be null and void. And even though we may continue to award people the titles of Top Chef or Top Model or Top Upside Down Juggling Tricyclist, those titles, while we may forget about the people who hold them, are far less ephemeral than something that is so blatantly based on the opinion of people whose opinions don't matter.

You know what else? No one gives a crap about anyone else's favorite anything.

MY FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR IS COOKIES AND CREAM.

How many of you care about that? Oh, zero. Because no one cares what I think even if I'm right (suck it, butter pecan).

I'm not trying to detract from SYTYCD winners, past, present or future. I'm trying to make a point that we need to come up with a better title for them - something a bit more worthy of how hard they work to get there. I would like to suggest something along the lines of, "The Best Dancer In the Universe," or "America's Bestest Awesomest Top Dancer!" or "Seriously, why didn't any of the judges want to see that Janette and Brandon routine and I'm thinking of going to the SYTYCD tour in Boston by myself because no one will go with me and if they don't do that dance I'm going to sic creepy Kupono on someone's ass." (PS, I love Kupono even if he's kind of scary).

Just, you know, throwing that out there.