A Tale of Two Job Offers

At the end of January my boss told me that my job was being eliminated at the end of June.

"You'll be fine," she told me. "You have 5 months to find something new."

"You don't understand," I replied. "I was unemployed for an entire year just a little over a year ago. 5 months is nothing."

And then, after being told I was taking the news very graciously, I couldn't hold back anymore. For the first time in my life, I cried at work. Hard. I went home early, stopping briefly in my coworker's office to give her my puffy-eyed, sniffly 30-second version of the news and explain why I wouldn't be joining everyone for lunch.

Unemployment sucks, as I have chronicled here and sort of also here. Just when I thought I had settled into a nice cozy spot for awhile, the big U was looming, again (I also got laid off at the end of 2011, for those that are not intimately keeping track of the details of my life).

I gave myself 24 hours to wallow, and then got to work. I updated my resume. I asked friends and friends-of-friends and friends-of-friends-of-friends to let me know if they heard about anything. I contacted headhunters. I bought a new suit. I wrote cover letters.

Oh, did I write cover letters.

When I used to work in banks, cover letters weren't necessary. They aren't necessary at most for-profit companies, as is the quasi-general rule I've learned through my many bouts of job hunting. But I'm in the non-profit land now, and every non-profit wants a "thoughtful cover letter." Some also want writing samples, references up front, test scores and probably a DNA swab, but the cover letter was non-negotiable. So I wrote them.

I wrote cover letters at every free moment. Evenings, weekends, sometimes early mornings. I said no to weekend plans so I could write cover letters. For months, that's all I did, with the occasional interview thrown in, if I was lucky.

And then, a few weeks ago, I had two job offers.

Having not one but TWO organizations that wanted to hire me was the craziest and most unanticipated thing to ever happen to me. I got to actually compare and contrast the jobs and CHOOSE which one I wanted and I GOT TO SAY NO. For the first time, it wasn't the company rejecting me. It was the other way around. It was beautiful. I would like to say that I cried at some point because that makes it sound more emotional, but I'm not typically a crier and so I didn't. But believe me, I was all punching my fist triumphantly in the air like Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club.

At this point, I feel like I'm supposed to say something like, "I felt so blessed to have two offers." But I don't feel blessed. In order to feel blessed you have to believe in an entity that can bless you which is a discussion for another day, but mostly, to feel blessed you have to feel like something was sort of unworthily bestowed upon you. And I do not feel unworthy, because I worked my ass off. I wrote countless versions of my resume and worked briefly with a career coach and networked in ways that are way outside my comfort zone and feverishly researched companies and took all sorts of crazy notes in my interview notebook and when I wasn't doing all those things, I was writing cover letters.

On July 1st, I start an amazing new job that I'm insanely excited about. Not because I was blessed, but because I worked for it. And even though there was never a competition, I feel like I've won.

Unemployment Woes

I've been going through old blog post drafts and I think I'll start publishing them every so often. I have no idea why I didn't pull the trigger on this one from January 2012 - I probably had more to say. But...here goes! Unedited.

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Unemployment does weird things to a person. I may not be fully qualified to talk about this seeing as I've only been without a job for 3 weeks, but..here we are.

You can fill your days and fill your days and fill your days and yet somehow, there are so many hours left. You can sleep until almost noon, run all the errands, power through half a season of Mad Men, apply to jobs, call your grandma, and there's still time left.

We all wish we had more time. We fantasize about what we would do if we didn't have these pesky JOB things to go to every day. And then suddenly, the wish is granted. You realize that these paltry unemployment payments don't do anything as far as allowing you the lifestyle you imagined for yourself and so...more Mad Men episodes. But then you wonder if maybe you should cancel your Netflix subscription because, you know, budget reasons. The same reason you don't have a job anymore.

Unemployment is lonely. There are no coworkers to interact with and your communications between 9am and 5pm become relegated to a series of gchats from people saying, "Soooo what are you doing with your day?" The fact that you no longer have an official THING to do all day suddenly makes everyone want to know what on earth you're doing with your day. The irony. And so you spend a lot of time thinking. Thinking and worrying.

All the minor things that maybe didn't bother you before now bother you because a) you have all the time to dwell on them and b) all your problems seem magnified a million times when you're worried about money. Your printer runs out of ink and there's a dire printing situation because the unemployment website wants you to print this information RIGHT NOW because if you don't you'll lose it forever and so you run to Staples and drop $20 on ink and then you panic because that $20 could have gone to something better. Or you go to sleep not having done something on your to-do list and instead of your usual, "eh, I'll do it tomorrow," you beat yourself up over it because WHAT DID I DO ALL DAY THAT WASN'T THIS ONE THING. It probably wasn't even that important but you have this compulsion to do at least one really productive thing every day because you can't possibly tell someone that all you did was wake up at 11:30 and then watch TV all day. Even if you have the worst case of bronchitis you've ever had in your life, you still feel compelled to at least leave the apartment to mail a letter, even though you're going to practically cough your lungs up by the time you get to the top of your 2 flights of stairs on your return.

There's another compulsion you have when you're unemployed - the compulsion to drink. Going out and having a few beers makes you feel like a person again. Because you may not have an answer to the "So, what do you do?" question at the moment, but you can at least still be social and see your friends and let loose. And there's nothing you have to wake up for in the morning so sure, I'll go see this random cover band and come home at 3:30am on a Tuesday night (you do this, of course, with your other unemployed friend). And as unhealthy as the sentiment may sound, the ability to really enjoy your social life kind of makes not having a job totally worth it.

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It's pretty weird to read that now, knowing that this was the first 3 weeks of 11 crappy months of unemployment. While this post doesn't address how unemployment makes you feel like the scum of the earth, and while I would hardly call unemployment "worth it," I think this is a pretty good summary of what the rest of those 11 months were like.

Employment, at long last

I got a job today.

It was December 1, 2011 when I found out I was losing my last job, and my last day in the office was about 4 weeks later. If you had told me then that I would still be looking for a new job in November 2012, I would have thought you were nuts. I would have said that 11 months was "sooooo far away" and that unemployment was a thing that happened to OTHER people, but never me. Never someone who is young, with 2 degrees and a pretty good head on her shoulders.

But here I am. It's November 14th, and it was only today, after applying to almost 300 jobs, that someone out there finally decided that whatever it is I have to offer is good enough.

Unemployment is surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly) dehumanizing. Meeting new people and having to tell them that I don't have a job always made me feel inferior. Because "I'm unemployed" does not come off as "I graduated cum laude from a really good school and then got my MBA from another really good school and I also had some great jobs along the way and I'm pretty smart and responsible and overall capable as a human being."

It reads as, "I'm lazy and I like to sleep in a lot."

If you have any measure of fun during your period of unemployment, which I absolutely did, people will look at you with envy and comment about your extended vacay and "how nice it must be." It doesn't matter that it's easier to go out to that dinner and worry about the expense later than it is to say no to those things and experience the vicious depressing cycle that is feeling shitty about yourself because you don't have a job, knowing that you'd feel better about yourself if you could only go out and enjoy some time with your friends, but not really being able to because you can't afford it, thus making you feel even worse. So you manage to afford it. Or at least, your credit card does.

From a financial standpoint, I should have moved home to New Jersey as soon as I lost my job. But even my parents agreed that there was no point in making my life even more miserable than it was by depriving myself of my social life, which, as I've mentioned, was really one of the last things I had to hold onto.

So I spent the last year trying to have as much of a social life as I could on as little money as possible. I said "yes" to lots of things and I said "no" to lots of others and overall I managed to stay busy. But I never lost that feeling in the back of my mind that maybe I would NEVER find a job. That maybe my weird mix of professional experiences would qualify me to do absolutely nothing, and that in this shitty economy that is rife with qualified job seekers, I would oftentimes be a great candidate but never truly the BEST one.

When I got off the phone today, after having been offered a great job at a great organization where I would have a great blogger friend as my coworker (!!!!!! YAY), I didn't know what to do first.

I called my mom.
I called my dad.
I called my grandma.
I called my brother.
I posted on Twitter.
I posted on Facebook.
I set up a celebratory happy hour for Friday.
I composed a Facebook invitation for aforementioned happy hour, complete with a few stats on how many interviews I've had this year.
I deleted the events in my Google calendar that existed solely to remind me to apply for jobs.

And then I cried.

I sat in my room with my head in my hands and I ugly cried like the worst thing had just happened. Only it wasn't the worst thing, it was the best thing.

So I'm excited to start on this new part of my life, and leave this year of feeling worthless behind me. After 11 months of more or less sitting idly by, I'm ready.

FIRST PAYCHECK FRIDAY

It's a holiday up in these parts!!!

After more than 2 years without a full-time paycheck, accepting measly amounts of money for working 60 hours a week as a caterer or for sitting at a reception desk doing nothing, I finally received a paycheck for a real job that pays real money.

It's only for 4 days worth of work since last week was my first week and I didn't go in Friday because I had a lovely flight to Tampa, FL for my cousin's bar-mitzvah (another post all its own), but still. I'M SO HAPPY I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ALL OF YOU.

Except those of you who may for whatever reason be under 18. Or married. I don't want to get in trouble here.

Now I need to decide what I should buy myself in celebration. But if you're thinking, "Why don't you buy yourself that smartphone you've been talking about?" then I say, "Been there, done that."

I am now the proud owner of an HTC Incredible. This, too, is another post all its own. It's quite an adjustment from my flip phone and not a 100% positive one either.

But for now, I celebrate. But seriously - what should I buy myself?

And then I got a job

Yup.

I still haven't seen my actual offer letter despite the fact that they have managed to send me all my other new hire paperwork, but...EMPLOYMENT!

I'm a little excited and a little nervous and mostly, drooling at the thought of getting a paycheck and being able to a) put money towards my student loans, b) stop panicking any time I spend any money, c) MOVE BACK INTO THE CITY.

Though I'm going to hold off on that last one probably until early-ish 2011. Gotta see how much money I actually end up taking home after taxes before I can make a decision as to where I'm financially able to live.

Even though this wasn't the kind of job I thought I would end up in, I'm still pretty pumped that someone actually wanted to hire me.

Plus, my favorite day of the year, my annual double birthday extravaganza party that I share with my wifer (5th year running!) is in TWO DAYS.

Win!

Why I don't like job hunting

I am still job hunting. And could be for awhile. Now that I'm on the cusp of reaching the 250 job applications mark (!!!), I've gotten all too familiar with some aspects of the job search that I don't like. Here goes!

1) When people tell me, "Don't worry, it's going to be fine." Yes, this is very easy for you to say when you have a cushy job and parents who still pay your cell phone bill. Talk to me when you have student loan debt going into repayment, health insurance to pay for (as in, the entire thing) and no job.

1a) Don't act like I'm disappointing you when I say I can't go on elaborate vacations. I'm really sorry that you want to go to Europe this fall and I can't join you. TOTAL BUMMER FOR YOU. Not.

2) I don't really ask for help with my job search. It's my own problem and no one else's. However, if you shove your business card down my throat and insist I send you my resume, I certainly don't expect you to find a job for me, but at least do me the favor of responding to my email. I probably spent a fair amount of time researching the company you work for and the available positions, and it's really a waste of my time if I never hear from you again.

3) Why the stigma about not finding out what a job pays until an offer is made? Let's be honest here - salary is one of the most important deciding factors for most people. I don't want to go through the effort of applying for a job that only pays half of what I want to make, and if companies would openly advertise that a position pays $150,000 a year, I'll know better than to apply for it because I'm clearly way too junior.

3a) For the hypothetical job above, if the (unmentioned) salary is the only way for me to know that I'm not qualified for this job, you wrote a job description that was either a) vague b) flat-out wrong or c) a magical mix of the two.

4) Just as I am supposed to be prepared for any conversation, so should you. If you say, "Why don't you have any employment on your resume after 2008?" you clearly didn't read the thing at the top of my resume that says, in bold, EDUCATION - MASTER OF BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, MAY 2010. Similarly, if you select me for an interview and then ask me if I have experience with a slew of fun acronyms that appear nowhere on my resume and then mention that this experience is absolutely required for the job in a non-negotiable way, you really should have paid closer attention to my resume before deciding to interview me.

Phew, that's it. For now.

"It's a funny thing about life...

...if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

My dad emailed me this quote from author Somermet Maugham after one of the many job-related talks I've had with my parents. The fact that my dad has an appropriate book quote or recommendation for any situation is testament to the fact that he is smart in a way I will never be. And also that he reads a crapton.

The point is, my job search is still in full force. The main problem with it is that while I'm flexible about what I could do next, the thing I really DON'T want to do is exactly the thing I was doing before business school. And so my resume, which no matter how much rearranging or emphasizing of other things will still always show what I was doing before school, speaks really well to recruiters and potential employers about me being awesome at the very thing I don't want to do and therein, my lovely readers, lies the problem.

Despite the fact that I have an MBA which is sort of the Unofficial Degree of Career Changers, I still get comments such as, "you don't have the required experience to get a job doing anything else." This would be true except NO IT'S NOT. I'm bright, I learn things quickly, and why the crap would I spend all that money to go to school just to do the same thing I was doing before at the same salary? (Do not even get me started on the people who say there's no way I'm getting my desired salary increase because I "haven't worked in 2 years" ALSKJFOAIWJERLKASJ).

I am not willing to settle. This is especially true because what I'm asking for is, compared to other MBAs, nothing. Last week I turned down a second interview. It was a job I didn't want to do and over an hour outside the city (!). It was a fancy firm that supposedly "only hires from the Ivies" and "pays a shitload" and sure, I was flattered that they were interested but I just couldn't imagine myself in that kind of role and frankly, I didn't feel like I needed an MBA to do it or that I would be proud to tell people that that was my job.

So I'm working as a receptionist until I find that close-enough-to-the-dream job, which seems all sorts of contradictory because answering a phone and making sure the fridge is always stocked with Diet Cokes (SERIOUS JOB PERK) certainly does not require an MBA and of course I don't sit here with my head held high knowing that I suffered through a 7.5 hour long Accounting review session just to pass the final, get a decent grade and eventually land myself here. But there's a comfort in knowing that this is only temporary and that after 3 weeks of working here I will have made enough money to pay off the massive chunk of interest that has accumulated on one of my student loans.

I will turn down as many interviews as I have to if it means that it leaves me open for something better to come along. I worked too hard to settle.

The curse of an old cell phone

This past weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to hang out with some fabulous bloggers (I would link to all of you but I'm lazy) at BlogHer. Not that I was part of the conference (on my unemployed budget? heavens no), but I managed to snag some people's free time when they weren't meeting Padma or eating cheeseburgers or whatever else they were doing over at the Hilton.

There were a number of moments over the weekend where I just had to laugh to myself because, as is sort of understandable for people in social media, everyone was on their iPhones and BlackBerries all the time. I mean, ALL. THE. TIME. The reason I thought this was funny is because I think I'm the lone person remaining in the 20-something age bracket who does not possess a smartphone.

I KNOW. I will give you all a moment to go grab some Benadryl for the hives you just broke out in at the thought of having a phone on which you cannot check email.

I've been meaning to upgrade to a BlackBerry ever since I became eligible for a new phone almost a year and a half ago. The thing is, my little LG flip phone is the most reliable thing I have ever encountered in life, and for awhile I was loathe to fix something that technically ain't broke. Now that it's come to the point where I really WANT to upgrade (phone still works like a charm, though), I refuse to do so until I have a job. It will be both a congratulatory present to myself as well as a lovely confirmation that I can now officially afford the inevitable increase in cell phone bill that will come with having to pay for data.

My lack of a smartphone has never really bothered me all that much, mostly because I've been able to work around it and it doesn't inconvenience anyone other than myself. However, I was reading BusinessWeek yesterday and came across something truly disturbing.

33 percent of iPhone users find out-of-date gadgets a turnoff.

As if I wasn't already doomed to fail at the NYC dating scene. I'm now doubly doomed.

Epic fail. Going to hang my head in out-of-date phone shame.

UPDATE: I wrote this post this morning and planned on posting it when I got home from my temp job (you know, one of the few temp jobs that didn't reject me because I don't have enough admin experience). I have since been offered this job on a full-time basis and turned it down (I am not a receptionist, thank you), but negotiated a way to stay here until I find a permanent job that I actually want and maybe needed an MBA for. Does this mean I am now allowed to get myself a Blackberry? Or is that cheating? Does having a fake job to go to until I get a real job count for something? I can't decide.