Why I Should Officiate Your Wedding

A month or so ago I was sitting around with some friends from high school, talking, as women our age are wont to do, about weddings.

"One of my life goals is to officiate a wedding," I said.

My friend turned to me and goes, "You'd be really good at that."

"I KNOW!" I replied. And then I proceeded to intensely stare down everyone at the table, as if to say, "When you get married LET ME OFFICIATE YOUR WEDDING." Everyone got the message. And was also pretty creeped out by my stare-down.

I don't have a ton of big life goals, but I really want to officiate a friend's wedding in a major way. Are you reading this? Are you my friend? Are you not yet married? Great. Here's why you should let me officiate your wedding.

1) I'll do it for free! And free is always better than not free. If you aren't planning on having an open bar at your wedding, we may need to discuss some payment in the form of vodka. But otherwise, totally gratis!

2) I am more than willing to become one of those ordained-via-the-internet ministers if you insist on having some kind of official religious person run your wedding. This should show you my full and total commitment to the cause, because if a Jewish girl who works for a Jewish organization is willing to become a minister for you, that's love, friends.

3) Everyone will think you're cool for having a friend officiate your wedding. Weddings are all about showing off how awesome and unique you are, and having a friend perform the ceremony says to everyone, "I have the coolest friends in the world because I'm willing to let one of them have a pretty big role in one of the most important days of my life," and also, "Look how alternative and fun and young I am! The person officiating this wedding is my age!"

4) By far the most important reason - I will write a seriously amazing ceremony. It will be personalized but not inside joke-y so as to alienate your friends and family. It will be poignant but not cheesy. It will be funny but not tasteless (see: most best man speeches that recite a laundry list of the groom's most embarrassing moments, making everyone uncomfortable). I've given 2 speeches at weddings and both got really good feedback. After the most recent one last September, I was approached by a family member who told me how great my speech was, and then said, "It was one of the best wedding speeches I've ever heard. And I'm a wedding planner, so I've heard a lot."

If you think I'm telling this story just to brag, then I mean DUH that's obviously why I'm telling this story. If a positive review from a person who plans weddings for a living isn't a kickass reference, then I don't know what is.

Got it? Awesome. Now, someone go get engaged, pronto.

Seattle: 1, Arielle: 0

Early this morning I returned from a whirlwind trip across the country, having spent a grand total of 48 hours in the great state of Washington.

I had been meaning to visit Seattle for years, but a sorority sister's wedding was the reason I finally bit the bullet and hopped on that 6 hour flight.

Despite it being a super short trip, I managed to squeeze in a lot of touristy time and indulge in the delicious food, beer, and coffee that the city is known for. But this is not a vacation recap. This is a story of literal pain and suffering. I like to call it, "the time Seattle fucked me up real good."

On the day of the wedding, I returned to my hotel room after a morning of exploring to make myself look pretty. I double checked my directions and left myself what I thought was plenty of time to get to the 5pm wedding, to be held at a cultural center in the middle of one of Seattle's many parks.

I walked to the bus stop and proceeded to wait. And wait. And wait and wait and wait.

I tried to hail a cab. I started calling as many car services as humanly possible. No dice. Finally, the stupid bus came, so even though I really needed a direct ride at that point, I got on, seeing no other option.

 

I got off the bus and it was 4:58. The wedding website had said it was a .75 mile walk from the bus to the center. So I jogged to the park, about .25 miles away, and then once I got there started following the signs to the wedding location. After a few minutes, the park sign said the center was still a full mile away. The .75 mile estimate was completely wrong, and I realized I'd be even later than I thought. At this point I broke into a full sprint in my wedding dress and roll-up flats, which offer foot support equivalent to a sheet of paper. I was carrying my clutch, a plastic bag with my heels in it, and a ridiculously heavy gift bag filled with bath products that another sorority sister had insisted I bring with me to give to the bride and groom as a wedding gift on her behalf. 

I'm usually an insanely punctual person, and I was pretty annoyed that the one time I was running late was the one time I flew across the country just to be here (or should I say THERE) for this one moment.

I don't know if I've emphasized this enough on this blog, but I do not run. At all. Ever. I don't run for a variety of reasons, starting with the fact that I have no cartilage in my right knee and ending with the fact that RUNNING IS FUCKING AWFUL. Have you guys tried it? If not, don't. And definitely don't try it right after you spent all this time trying to make yourself look nice and definitely also don't try it while carrying bags and not wearing supportive shoes.

I flew through the doors of the wedding venue at 5:18, dripping with sweat, tomato-red in the face, and pretty much unable to breathe. Music was playing but as far as I could tell, no wedding had occurred. 2 minutes later, the bride came out, looking gorgeous. 5 minutes after that, the ceremony was over. I seriously came THIS CLOSE to missing the entire thing.

The rest of the wedding vastly improved. The food was great, the wine was plentiful, and I made a lot of friends by sharing my story of being the only fucking moron to take public transportation to the wedding. I voluntarily ate salmon (this is a big deal for me), I demonstrated my prowess at the Gangnam Style dance, and got to see the joy on a whole lot of West coast faces when the DJ put on "Thrift Shop," by Seattle-born Macklemore.

While I was fortunate to be able to put the annoying sprinting-to-the-wedding episode behind me for the night, I was sadly unable to put it behind me forever. 24 hours after the wedding I was already on a red eye flight back to New York, and when I arrived home at 7am this morning I promptly went to bed. By the time I woke up a few hours later, the residual stiffness and soreness had finally set in, and I am now in so much pain that I actually CANNOT WALK.

No exaggeration. I'm limping around my apartment like an asshole because my whole left foot is so messed up that I had to cancel my grand evening plans of going to Target because even with sneakers on I can't put any weight on my foot. I don't think I have any actual injuries, this is just my body's way of telling me to NOT RUN ON A PAVED ROAD IN THE WORLD'S THINNEST FLATS (my cartilage-less knee, by the way, is the only part of my lower body that actually feels fine, which is a W).

So I've been popping some tags Advil and hoping I'm all good to leave the house for work tomorrow.

Unmarried friends, keep note of this for the future. No matter what happens, nothing will keep me from missing your wedding.

Single Girl at the Wedding

Friends, it was only a matter of time before Single Girl Confidential addressed the thing that, for better or worse, is on every single lady's mind: WEDDINGS. As usual, you can find Jess's thoughts over here.

It's been wedding season for about 6 years now. I have long since lost track of the number of weddings I've been to, and I've been solo at most of them. There are a few different elements of being the single girl at the wedding.

THE SINGLES TABLE

Before I went to my first friend-wedding in June 2007, my mom told me I would be seated at "the singles table." She was pretty excited because it was a Jewish wedding and I was bound to meet some Hebrew Hotties.

I did not meet any Hebrew Hotties that day, largely because a) this was an Orthodox crowd and I am in no way Jewy enough for those guys, and b) most people there were couples, because at the ripe old age of 23 a lot of Orthodox Jews have already married off and begun the process of seemingly endless baby-making.

Another huge reason why I didn't pick up any of the sexy Jew men at my singles table was because THERE WAS NO SINGLES TABLE. The friend getting married was a friend of mine from elementary/middle school, and I was seated at a table of people I hadn't seen since the 8th grade (this sounds terrible, but it was awesome because I legitimately miss those people).

My mom has casually mentioned this "singles table" phenomenon a few different times, but in all my weddings I have never been seated at one. So I now have a theory that the singles table is an outdated thing that was cool in the 70s, whereas modern couples choose to seat their friends not by marital status, but by common association (college! high school! the cool and fun people!*).**

So the singles table is not a thing. MYTH DEBUNKED.

THE SEXY HOOKUPS

I've hooked up with a fellow single wedding-goer at pretty much every wedding I've been to alone. And by that I actually mean I have literally never even come close to doing this. Ever.

My theory behind why I have never hooked up at a wedding is because weddings encompass pretty much my 2 favorite things in life: drinking and dancing. And when I'm drunk and dancey I want nothing to do with anyone else unless that person is the bartender. Or perhaps one of the friends who is clearly dancing in a circle with me. Getting your freak on? Ain't nobody got time for that.

BESTIES 4LYFE

Being single means you make friends at weddings. I always come back from nuptials with at least a few new Facebook buddies. This is especially true at weddings where I don't know that many people, because damnit you need friends to dance in aforementioned circle with you. Plus, the table of cool and fun people always has at least a few single people at it and you bond over too much champagne and discussion of figuring out what the vegetable is that came with your fillet/chicken/vegetarian option.

THE BOUQUET TOSS

Single women are expected to be all up in this grill but I would rather be forced to wear my heels the whole night than actively participate in a bouquet toss. I resent the assumption that I'm willing to beat down my fellow single chick in order to catch some flowers and then have some handsy guy lift up my dress and put the garter on my leg IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WEDDING, all in the name of ensuring that I'm the next one to get married because obviously this logically follows from catching the bouquet.

In general, I think single women are supposed to hate weddings because it reminds you of everything you don't have in life. But giving me an opportunity to dress up, shake my groove thang and indulge in open bar? Sign me up! I will gladly be the single girl at the wedding. Always.



* You think I'm joking about the table of "cool and fun people," but I assure you that I have been told by multiple brides that my wedding table contained the people most likely to party the shit out of the wedding. So there.
** There was one wedding I went to with no seating arrangements at all. We were told to sit wherever. So my friend and I sat wherever and then the groom told us we could not sit at the table we had chosen and instead we had to sit at a table that was not even within viewing distance of anyone else we knew at this wedding and if you think I didn't grumble about it for the next hour or three, you clearly don't know me.

"Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul..."

My friends occasionally make fun of me for being heartless. They jest, but it's one of those things where you joke about something that's actually true. I really do think people believe I'm more or less dead on the inside.

They're not exactly so far off. I'm way more heartless than the average bear. I'm typically the anti-romantic, fighting against all things cheesy or otherwise emotional. I haven't had a good cry in over 2 years.

In the last week, however, 2 things have made me get all teary.

1) Harry Potter. I finally saw the damn movie. I teared up multiple times. Including at the end.

2) Reading recaps, seeing pictures, and watching videos of all the gay weddings that took place in NYC yesterday, the first day they could legally occur. THE HAPPINESS!!! It was so overwhelming and adorable. Even I got emotional. I wanted to jump in my computer and hug all those couples and then dance the Horah with them. And then when I was done getting all teary about that, I read a transcript of the wedding that Bloomberg officiated for 2 of his staffers. Amazing. WHERE ARE THE TISSUES?!

I think this means I'm only part robot instead of full robot.

And someone needs to invite me to a gay wedding ASAP.

My big fat Indian wedding

I mean, my friend's big fat Indian wedding. Not mine. I did not get married over the weekend. But man, wouldn't that be an awesome surprise blog post.

Anyway, I went to my first Indian wedding, and for some reason I apparently like to recap weddings on my blog even though I am the least romantic person I know. Here are some highlights.

Bachelorette
- It was ridiculous. We had a party bus. That's probably all I'm allowed to say about it because unlike what happens in Vegas (which as we all know, goes on Facebook), what happens at the bachelorette actually stays there. Hello, PARTY BUS.

Bridal Shower
- Also known as the "sangeet." It's like a regular bridal shower except instead of eating, playing games and opening presents, it's just eating and dancing. And as we all know, those are 2 of my favorite things. Especially when it comes to Indian food.

Mehndi
- Again with the eating. Indians apparently like to ply people with food just as much as Jews do except they don't then immediately comment about how you should eat less because you might get fat(ter).

- Mehndi is fun and pretty and festive. My hand currently looks like this:

Pretty flowers! Yay.

- Also, at the mehndi party everyone takes this yellow gloppy stuff called turmeric and smears it all over the bride's face. It's supposed to make your skin really nice once you wash it off. I will not post pictures because the bride is in Italy and I think people would probably like to give permission (or lack thereof) before I post pictures of them on my blog with yellow gunk on their faces.

Rehearsal dinner
- This was a pretty normal rehearsal dinner, aside from the fact that afterwards there was a beer chugging contest between the bride and groom's sides. The groom's family is Irish and dominated. And then someone thought that a scotch drinking race would be a better idea. The bride's side shut it down, and I proceeded to file "throwing back a glass of scotch faster than I can drink water" under "things I'm pretty sure my dad would not do at my wedding, or ever."

Chura ceremony
- The morning of the wedding, some family and friends gather to adorn the bride with these little gold things that are pretty and jangly and get tied on to some bangles that she's already wearing. Yet again, it was fun and festive and if you like shiny things, pretty amazing.

Dun dun DUN, the wedding
- The wedding started at 3 PM with the groom riding up on a horse, and his family and friends dance around him while a drummer cranks out some awesome beats. The bride's mom had decided that all the non-Indians were to pretend to be on the groom's side and join his Irish family in attempting to bhangra dance. So me and Anny (maybe if I link to her blog she'll feel compelled to update it!) and a bunch of others danced by the horse. It was epic.

- Then there are a bunch of ceremonies before even the wedding ceremony. But overall the ceremonies seem to involve exchanging garlands and throwing stuff into a fire. And people dressing in amazing saris and other Indian attire that is so freaking gorgeous I would like to send my intern to India to buy me some (more on my and Crapface's imaginary interns later, or maybe never). I particularly enjoyed one part where the groom is supposed to make it difficult for the bride to put a garland around his neck because if he doesn't it means she's going to dominate the marriage. So when it came time to do that, a few of the bride's male family members ran and picked her up so that she could put the garland over the groom's head with no problem.

- After the ceremony it was a pretty standard reception aside from there being a lot of Indian music which is so upbeat and awesome except I really wish I knew how to not look like a stereotypically uncoordinated white person while dancing to it. Also there was some part where the children on the bride's side stole the groom's shoes and he had to pay them each $75 to get his shoes back. I wonder what smart little kid started this tradition.

- Sometime in there I decided that I want to become a whiskey drinker because women who drink whiskey are badass. I tested out this theory by ordering a Maker's Mark on the rocks, and the bartender said, "WHOA. Is this for you?" Point made.

THE POINT IS:

This wedding was amazing and I felt really honored to be there and to get to experience all of these new things. There were so many parts and I had so much fun just going with the flow. Also the bride's family is adorable and SO NICE and really went out of their way to make sure everyone had a good time. Note to future husband: I hope you're half Jewish half Indian so we can have an awesome combo wedding and I get to wear a white dress AND a gorgeous dress from India and have people put turmeric on my face and tie things onto my wrists and I can stuff my face with samosas and kati rolls and then you can smash a glass and we do the horah.

And don't forget, you have to have the same last name as me. A girl can dream, right?

Jumbo love

On Saturday night, I was bartending at a wedding. It was a pretty great wedding overall. The crowd was fun, I made a lot of money even though I wasn't allowed to put out a tip jar, and the staff working with me was super helpful.

I was standing behind the bar, minding my business, when all of a sudden the DJ got on the mic and made the following announcement:

"Will everyone who went to Tufts University please gather on the dance floor for a picture? Everyone who went to Tufts, please gather on the dance floor for a group photo."

WHAAAAT?

For a second I forgot whether I was working or attending this wedding seeing as the majority of the weddings I go to are Tufts weddings. But no, I was definitely working.

As everyone gathered for the picture, I scanned faces to see if I knew anyone. I didn't. Afterwards, one of the guys from the group came up to the bar, so I asked him about Tufts and it turns out the groom graduated from there in 2000. I told him I graduated in 2005 and he said I should have joined them for the picture. I'm sad I didn't think of this first, and even more sad that even if I had thought of it at the time, I knew I wouldn't have had the balls to run out there and jump in the photo. Doh.

Over the course of the night I had a number of great Tufts conversations with some fellow Jumbos. We bonded over having the same Philosophy professors, someone complained about the sheer volume of Tufts mail they receive (and told me I was the smartest person ever when I said that my Tufts mail goes to my parents' house), and another confessed that he never actually graduated even though they let him walk.

Overall, it was nice to have a reason to talk to some of the guests as opposed to just serving them drinks. Plus, talking about Tufts is one of my favorite things ever. So, double win. And maybe it got me some more tips. Triple win.

My new life goal

Being in wedding mode for all of last weekend meant that a lot of the conversation revolved around, well, weddings. And things related to weddings. We talked about how I hope to never catch a bouquet because, among other reasons, I don't want some random dude who was lucky enough to catch the garter sticking his hand up my dress. We talked about flowers and dresses and shoes and this, that and the other thing.

And then we talked about the changing of the last name.

I am personally in the "I don't want to change my name" camp, mostly because I like my name the way it is and seeing as a name is a pretty big part of an identity, I don't want to have to just readjust to something new (unless my new last name were something really awesome, but I can't think of any examples that would satisfy that).

The thing is, I don't want to give my unborn children (who will hopefully stay unborn for A LONG TIME) a hyphenated name, nor do I want to give them my husband's name and then have to deal with all the problems that come along with a mother having a completely different last name from her children (there are a lot of these problems, so I hear).

This may seem like somewhat of a conundrum, but I realized recently that there is a perfect solution to my problem. And I have made it my new goal in life.

Friends, I am going to marry someone who has the same last name as I do.

IT IS A PERFECT ASS PLAN.

No name change, no paperwork, no hyphenating and no different last name from the mini-Arielles.

Okay, I am anticipating your questions. Here we go.

Q: Do you think this is realistic?
A: I'm not saying it's definitely going to happen, but my last name is hardly obscure.

Q: Aren't you afraid that you're going to end up marrying some long lost cousin or something?
A: No. My grandparents had their last name changed to my current last name when they came to the U.S. Thus we are well aware of who is in our family and who is not.

Q: What if you date someone with the same last name and you decide to be in a Facebook relationship and people who don't really know your situation either think that you're a) already married or b) dating a brother or cousin?
A: Fictitious person, you are weird for even thinking of these things.

Q: Arielle, you are ridiculous.
A: I prefer to call it awesome.

There you have it. My perfect plan. For those of you who know my last name (which I'm pretty sure is...most of you), if you find any single guys who fit this description, please pass them along.

My best friend's wedding

I'm sure everyone is dying to hear about Lacey's wedding and here is my best attempt at a recap. Lacey is probably still processing the fact that she's married and the blogworld deserves to hear about it sooner rather than later because it was a pretty kick ass wedding if I do say so myself. And I do.

Our weekend started off with mani/pedis, going out to lunch, checking into Lacey's suite at the hotel and then a lovely no-rehearsal-just-dinner (as you can see, I'm fast forwarding through some of the less important parts).

We woke up early on WEDDING DAYYYY to start hair and makeup. More and more people kept arriving and the suite was all abuzz with people ooh-ing and aah-ing and feasting on minieggs, AKA the best Easter candy of all time.


Eventually it was time to head over to the country club to start pictures. Lacey had to keep her gown safe in the car on the way there.

There were bridesmaid pictures and groomsmen pictures and family pictures and I don't have any of this documented since, you know, I wasn't the photographer. BUT, here is a pic of the super sexy non-family bridesmaids that was taken while the family pictures were going on.


Then all of a sudden it was WEDDING TIIIIIIIME. I obviously don't have any pictures of this either but the ceremony was super nice. We processed in to a band (comprised of Dave's friends) playing Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" which sounded absolutely amazing (video on Facebook), and while Lacey was coming down the aisle, the bridesmaids couldn't help but have a dance party in the front since the music was good and no one was looking at us anyway.

Cocktail hour was, you know, cocktail hour-y. And then we had to make our wedding party entrances for the reception, and me and my escort Joe decided that it was only appropriate to do the pound and super explode (you know, we pound but the force was SO STRONG that we both go flying backwards) and after we did it the bridesmaid who had gone ahead of us was all, "That was amazing."

After the first dance (during which 4 of us single bridesmaids sandwiched Lacey and Dave) we all sit down, and the DJ says it's time for speeches and I'm all, "HOLY CRAP PANIC." But then when it was my turn I stopped being nervous and was just like, "LET'S DO THIS THAAAANG" and my speech pretty much went about as well as I could have hoped for it to go. Which it to say it went exactly as I wanted it to. So, hooray. And then Dave sang a song he wrote for Lacey with the band and I couldn't hear the words to save my life but I'm sure it was very sweet and probably went something like "Lacey is awesome, she don't look like a possum." (I am obviously pursuing songwriting as a career). Seriously, I bet the song was great. Here is Lacey (doesn't she look awesome?) and my co-MOH Allison watching The Dave.

And then it was PARTY TIME. We drank and ate and danced and took silly pictures in the super awesome photobooth and nonsense (of only the good variety) abounded. Here is an assortment of pictures from the rest of the night.

I took a ton of pictures so this is only a small sampling of what went on. But needless to say, everyone had a good time, Lacey and Dave were super happy, and WOOHOO, WEDDING!!!!

I was pretty ecstatic to be a part of the wedding for someone who I've known for 21 years (!), especially because she married someone so fabulous and great. I wanted to get a picture of the 3 of us but I guess I was too busy doing the running man, caring for my face after my lovely friend drunkenly BIT ME, and of course, ceeeeeelebrating good times (come on!). So here is one of me and the lovely bride.


YAYYYY.

Lacey's Pole Patrol

Did you miss me? You probably even forgot I was gone since I had all those awesome Ghost of Arielle Past posts put up. I am finally back from my Mardi Gras/NYC adventure and while I will hopefully get around to sharing the madness that is New Orleans, I wanted to give some photo highlights of Lacey's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I'm sure she is planning her own awesome photo recap blog post as well.

First, the bridal shower.

This is my mom with her photo bingo cards. You can't really see but there are different pictures of Lacey in each space, and a picture of Dave as the free space.

Lacey is adorning the fabulous ribbon crown that I made her with skillz I never knew I had. I like that we're both wearing wedding purple.

And now, the more exciting stuff. The bachelorette party!

Customized cupcakes thanks to Sugar Sweet Sunshine. They're supposed to be "L"s but they sort of look like "1"s. Which is okay. LACEY IS NUMBER 1! These cupcakes match our...

T-SHIRTS! Lacey's Pole Patrol! If you don't think this is the f'ing most hilarious thing to ever go on a t-shirt, then..you stink. Trying to make sure Lacey wore jeans to the bachelorette without telling her we had t-shirts made was a lot more difficult than I expected. Oy.

So we went to a pole dancing class, obviously. I'm not sure why I always make that face or why I think it looks good. It doesn't.

Here we are learning to spin.

About to leave pole dancing class to head to the bar.

And of course, I had to make Lacey drink out of her bachelorette shot glass necklace. You can also see her huge blingy fake light up engagement ring on the other hand.

All in all it was a fabulous day/night (with a LOT more pictures) and now that it's over it's time to start gearing up for the wedding! WOOHOO!

A Celebration of Singlehood

At my friend's wedding last weekend, someone (who surprisingly wasn't me) started the "I'm never going to get married" conversation. On any other day this absolutely could have been me seeing as I legitimately believe this to be true. And I think this actually sets me apart from the myriad people who say they're never going to get married - most people say it because they're bummed about being single at the moment and they pity themselves and they think that if they put that sentiment out there, it'll change their luck. I say it because I just believe it. Not out of self-pity or overawareness (eat it, dictionary) of how single I am. I just don't see myself ever getting married. And...kind of don't care.

Wait, how did I get here? Not the point of this post, yo.

The point is, I agreed with my friend about how I'm never getting married, but added that I would really, REALLY, like a wedding. Or at least, a party on the scale of a wedding. As many of you know, I am all about throwing myself parties - birthdays are the obvious party frontrunner, but I've also thrown myself goodbye parties and "come watch me bartend" parties. The unfortunate part is, none of these parties will get all my friends and family from all over to come celebrate. If I got married, however, people will come out of the woodwork to eat and drink and be merry. I don't even care about getting presents (wedding registries do not excite me. Glassware, silverware, Idontcareware, wah wah). I just want to look hot while I dance the night away surrounded by awesome people. And I need a wedding for this to happen.

The issue with the wedding thing is that you have to get married TO someone, and therein lies the problem. The fact that I'm completely unwedable (there is no red line under that word which leads me to believe it's a real word? sweetness) should NOT prevent me from having a kickass party. And thus, my brilliant idea - the celebration of singlehood party! (subject to rebranding once I think of a catchier name).

My singlehood party will have all the makings of a good wedding - open bar, delicious food, good music. I'll still have a selection of my most fabulous friends wear the same dress just to signify that they're cooler than everyone else, we will all still dance to hava negila and lift people up in chairs (hello, just because I'm not entering into some kind of union doesn't mean we don't party like good Jews) and I will still NOT be throwing a bouquet because if I were to ever get married that would absolutely not happen anyway. I'll get my hair and makeup did and wear a super hot dress that isn't white because damnit, it's my party and I'll wear what I want to (and I look pretty crappy in white, let's be real). There will be men there, of course, but none of them will be more involved in the event than any other. And they will consist entirely of family, my girl friends' dates, and then the 2 or 3 guy friends I actually have (note to self: work on that).

Maybe I'll come up with a fun singlehood party tradition that everyone will end up doing at their own celebrations later on. I have some ideas but I'm keeping them to myself because I don't want you fools stealing my brainchildren.

I'm pretty sure this is one of the best ideas I've ever had. It will bring joy to the single people of the world because finally, we too get our day in the spotlight. You'll all be invited, of course. Look out for my save the date card. I'm thinking that I might print the necessary info on one of the best emblems of singlehood: a condom wrapper.

Our own place of worship

This is what my friend who got married yesterday said to me a week ago. We were discussing her wedding, which took place at the Museum of Science in Boston. She mentioned that most people choose to get married in a place of worship, though she and her now-hubbie aren't religious. "But the museum is sort of our own place of worship."

Spoken like a true Tufts nerd.

There is no way to describe yesterday's festivities except to say that it was probably the most unique wedding I'll ever attend. The wedding took place smack in the middle of the exhibits at the museum. The wedding party (including lovely bridesmaid Anny, who has a new blog) began their walks down the aisle by first coming down the museum's escalator. Which sounds weird in theory, but in practice was awesome as shit and really beautiful.

The bride and groom had written their own vows. The groom was talking about how much he loved his wife-to-be, and how he even loved everything that reminded him of her. He said, "On a graph of everything I love in this world..." at which point the entire crowd erupted into laughter because the best man was holding up, well, a huge posterboard with a graph. The groom then took a few minutes to explain the graph. It was absolutely hilarious yet really sweet at the same time.

The rest of the wedding involved drinking, some really endearing family traditions and speeches, a wedding party line dance performance choreographed by the maid of honor, and of course, the requisite photo of all the Tufts graduates. I'm super pumped for the picture to appear in the Tufts magazine along with all the other wedding photos. Except I'm pretty sure ours will be the only one taken with the backdrop of a dinosaur skeleton.

Oh how I love weddings.

Weddings and summer and free stuff, oh my

I love the part of getting a sunburn where your skin gets all dry and starts peeling. I'm particularly excited about my peeling because I'm going to a wedding this weekend, and in addition to the crazy uncle, the weeping mother and the slutty bridesmaid, every wedding needs the girl that looks like a leper. And here I am, ready to play my part.

On another note, I went uptown to Columbus Circle today because I read in the Gothamist that there was going to be free food as well as a performance from the Broadway musical Hair. Though I found neither the food nor the performance, someone handed me a free granola bar along with a flyer. I waited awhile for food or singing to show up, and as I walked around, yet another person handed me a flyer and a granola bar, even after I told him I already got one. Though I had zero interest in whatever they were advertising, I figured that at least I would get some measure of free food that I had traveled for. And so off I went, collecting granola bars. I think I came away with 7, which is a pretty decent number and will definitely serve as some yummy snacks later. Only in New York, my friends. Only in New York.