Does this make me a gorilla juicehead?

Thursday, June 30, 2011
Oh blog, I have so much to tell you! Sort of. Anyway here’s the first thing.

I am presently on day 3 of a 3-day juice cleanse. What? I know.

It was one of these things I’ve always wanted to try, in the weird way that someone could lust after the experience of only consuming liquid for 3 days.

I am also extremely susceptible to anything that comes as a Groupon (or Gilt City, whatever). And so I got a super sweet deal on the Cooler Cleanse. It took me awhile to schedule it because based on my typical life of shoving too much alcohol and delicious food down my throat, it was hard to find 3 days where I could actually commit to not consuming anything else. This means no happy hour plans, no kickball games (beer after), no book club (wine!), no “let’s catch up with each other’s lives” dinners, and no weekends, period.

In theory I was going to write a post about this before it started, but…well, too late. So now that it’s winding down, here’s how it all went.

Pretty much, they send you 3 sets of 6 juices. All bottles are numbered. Each day, you drink the juices in order, about 2 hours apart.

Juice 1: Essential Green. Sort of tastes like a really refreshing liquid salad. Which is pretty much what it is. Lots of veggies.

Juice 2: Grapefruit Mint. I didn’t taste the mint at all. It tasted like grapefruit juice.

Juice 3: Essential Green…again. By the 3rd day and 6th bottle, it no longer seems refreshing or even good. You sort of just want to vomit green juice everywhere. Okay, it wasn’t nearly that bad. The juice does separate, though, which looks disgusting. But you shake it and all is well again.

Juice 4: Coconut Water. I love coconuts, but coconut water isn’t my favorite. Not bad though.

Juice 5: Essential Red. Some blend of beets, carrots, and apples, I think. Pretty good, especially considering I hate beets.

Juice 6: Almond Nut Milk. With vanilla. Super tasty.

Overall verdict: I’m surprised at how NOT hungry I am. I mean I definitely get the occasional pang of hunger but no more than I would on a regular day when it’s lunch time. Also, this is just a ton of liquid to consume in one day.

As for whether I feel healthier – I’m waiting until tomorrow when I start eating real food again to see. My friend Lauren who did the Cooler Cleanse last month and thus gave me her words of wisdom said she felt more energized in the days following. So we shall see.

Also – on day 1 I went to my first Bikram class in a month. I thought the detoxing effect of sweating balls would add to the experience. I’m not sure if it was from not having eaten all day or no longer being used to the temperature of the room, but I almost barfed. But then I sat down and 3 minutes later I was fine, which is about standard for what happens during a normal Bikram class.

Anyway, I would definitely do this again, but I might just invest in a juicer and do it myself (odds of this happening: slim to none). I don't think I'll pay full price for the CC since it's not exactly cheap, but I'm glad I did it. But I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and have something normal for breakfast.

The day of the free bra, the unlimited vodka shots, and everything in between

Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Also known as, #laceyandarielle'smostfundayinNYCeverevereverrrrr. Or something like that.

As much as I hate the deathly heat that sometimes comes with an NYC summer, I LOVE SUMMER IN NYC. This is an example of why.

Weekend recap:

Thursday: open bar happy hour to support the charity of 2 friends who are running triathlons this summer. Too many drinks.

Friday: Museum of Sex, followed by delicious Korean fried chicken at Bon Chon, followed by overpriced drinks at swanky, way-too-trendy for me rooftop bar 230 Fifth.

Saturday: CRAZY AWESOME LACEYANDARIELLE FUN DAYYYYYY

- Started off with the Perfect Cup event, where we ate free cups of Skinny Cow ice cream, got fitted for bras (get the cup theme?) and received a coupon for a free bra. We also got goody bags, wine, and took pictures with silly props. ALL FOR FREE. I love free.

- Walked the High Line, what used to be ugly elevated train tracks and is now this gorgeously unique park.

- Saw an inflatable park for kids with this AMAZING MUSHROOM BOUNCY CASTLE!!! Don't pretend you don't want to jump in this thing.


- Delicious slushy drinks from the Kelvin Slush truck.

- The richest, most intense pizza I've ever eaten at Artichoke.

- To digest the insanely delicious but filling pizza, we went to one of my favorite NYC summer staples, a street fair. And sadly could not eat any yummy street fair food. Next time, Gadget. Next time.

- We still had a ton of time to kill before the rest of our day, so we ended up at the Manhattan Mall, trying on ugly dresses.


Unfortunately you can't see the full awesome extent of the leopard print BUTT CAPE attached to the back of this dress. BUTT CAPE!!

- We sat outside at the lovely Beerparc, drinking...iced coffee. Not beer. Whatever.

- Went back to the street fair where I bought this fedora. I am probably never going to wear it because I'm not cool enough. Seriously, can someone come over and dress me in a fedora-appropriate outfit? I really want to wear this thing but I AM NOT TRENDY and have no sense of style. HELP.


- Met up with 2 more people for dinner at Vanessa's Dumpling House. Cheap and delicious.

- Then...DUN DUN DUN. Mehanata, a Bulgarian themed bar, for the ICE CAGE. They dress you in Russian military outfits, give you a shot glass made of ice, put you in a cold room with about 20 bottles of vodka, and let you go to town for 2 minutes. It is frantic. But it is fun. And then maybe you do 4 shots before you run out of time. Which is probably for the better because I won't pretend I needed more than 4 shots.

You can sort of see the ice cage on the right (not really), and the weird naked mannequin things that were sprinkled throughout this winter wonderland themed floor of the bar. It was the weirdest ish ever.

- After this bar, Lacey left (BOO) and the rest of us went to find somewhere else to go. We were stopped on the street by a woman handing out buy one get one free drink fliers for a bar down the street, and thus we spent the rest of the our night at that bar.

Well, this post is getting long but let's just briefly recap Sunday: went to a beer tasting, then partied it up for NYC pride which is the most amazing, celebratory, no-judgment-even-if-you-wear-a-thong-as-pants (not me, obviously) party. Tried to go to a gay club and the bouncer said he could reduce the obscene $25 cover for the 3 guys in our party, but not for the 2 girls. I couldn't even be mad considering how many times the reverse has happened.

The end.

I love New York. And I don't understand why, with summer weekends like these, more people don't come visit. Ahem, everyone.

And then I became a creepy ginger

Tuesday, June 21, 2011
This weekend, somewhere in between the beers and the gourmet hot dogs and the AMAZING GLEE CONCERT and more beers and the Korean fried chicken and some guy giving me his belt so that I could wrap it around my head like Quailman from Doug and then asking for my number and then talking shit about me on Facebook and I totally took the high road and did NOT publicly call him out for saying mean things AFTER getting my number and texting me but WHATEVER I WASN'T INTERESTED IN YOU ANYWAY, D-BAG, I got my hair dyed orange.


It obviously wasn't supposed to be orange but I guess these things happen sometimes. Also, this picture does not do the brightness of my orange hair justice. I assure you, in person it is much more Crayola crayon and much less...normal. It might not be a crayon that comes in the 8 crayon box, and maybe not even in the 16, but in the hugest size that Crayola sells, I guarantee you there is a crayon in there with this color on it.

Unless your hair is black or dark brown, you shouldn't be able to find your hair color in a crayon box. Mark that down. Life lesson #1.

No one has said anything bad about it, and many people have said it looks good, but it means people are either being nice or I guess they legitimately like it. I refuse to believe that EVERYONE likes it though because I am pretty not-at-all picky about my hair color and totally loved it even when I accidentally dyed it fire engine red in college, so I think this is pretty bad. But I'll get used to it.

For the record, I wanted more of this.


See? That hair color is awesome. Red, not orange.

That's a mighty fine looking beer too, actually.

The Sake Bomb/Friday song

Monday, June 13, 2011
You know how sometimes you just drink SO MUCH ALCOHOL in the span of a few days where all you want to do is detox? I'm right there.

My weekend looked something like this, starting on Thursday night: bar - concert that ended up being canceled - bar - bar - sleep - work - sake bombing - bar - bar - sleep - hangover - pub crawl - housewarming party - beer garden - sleep - hangover - bar - dinner with unlimited sangria.

I would say that I didn't do anything really productive this weekend, but in fact, I did. You see, over drinks on Thursday night, my friends and I discussed our sake bombing adventures that were coming the next day. We were trying to think of some new chants to yell to add to our repertoire, which currently consists of "SAKE SAKE SAKE BOMB" and "WHEN I SAY 'SAKE' YOU SAY 'BOMB'!!"

Someone had the brilliant idea of writing a song to the tune of Rebecca Black's Friday, and commissioned me to write it. Except then Friday happened and I was busy with work and I didn't. Until today, when I had a long subway ride and no book to read. Ahem.

7pm at the end of the work day
Gotta get drunk gotta go downtown
Gotta have some food gotta have sake bombs
Drinking everything, the beer is spilling
Chanting on and on everybody’s chugging
Gotta get down to Ashiya
Gotta catch my train, I see my friends

Feelin’ kinda buzzy
Thoughts are getting fuzzy
Gotta make my mind up
How much can I take?

It’s sake, sake
Everyone drink some sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend, weekend
Sake, sake
Better drink your sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend

Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Chug, chug, chug, chug
Getting crunked up on the weekend

7:45 we’re setting up the chopsticks
Having such fun don’t want time to fly
Yum, yum, sushi’s so yum
Don’t know what this is
I drink this you drink this
Drop sake in the beer, ayyy
I drink this you drink this
Now you know it

Feelin’ kinda buzzy
Thoughts are getting fuzzy
Gotta make my mind up
How much can I take?

It’s sake, sake
Everyone drink some sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend, weekend
Sake, sake
Better drink your sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend

Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Chug, chug, chug, chug
Getting crunked up on the weekend

Yesterday was okay, okay
Today is the best day, best day
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a bomb today

Today we all feel great but
Hangover comes afterwards
I don’t want this weekend to end

E-V, in NYC
We’re banging on the table
We are able
To yell and scream and
Drink beer, sake clear
With some sushi on the side
All I need is some sake in front of me
With some beer more beer wanna scream
Check my time, we count down to the next bomb
We gonna get drunk, come on come on y’all

It’s sake, sake
Everyone drink some sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend, weekend
Sake, sake
Better drink your sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend

Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Chug, chug, chug, chug
Getting crunked up on the weekend

It’s sake, sake
Everyone drink some sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend, weekend
Sake, sake
Better drink your sake
Everybody’s getting crunked up on the weekend

Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Sake bomb, sake bomb (yeah)
Chug, chug, chug, chug
Getting crunked up on the weekend


I am presently taking orders. I will write one of these awesome songs for any occasion you may have. Don't miss out. I am clearly very talented.