My big fat Indian wedding

I mean, my friend's big fat Indian wedding. Not mine. I did not get married over the weekend. But man, wouldn't that be an awesome surprise blog post.

Anyway, I went to my first Indian wedding, and for some reason I apparently like to recap weddings on my blog even though I am the least romantic person I know. Here are some highlights.

Bachelorette
- It was ridiculous. We had a party bus. That's probably all I'm allowed to say about it because unlike what happens in Vegas (which as we all know, goes on Facebook), what happens at the bachelorette actually stays there. Hello, PARTY BUS.

Bridal Shower
- Also known as the "sangeet." It's like a regular bridal shower except instead of eating, playing games and opening presents, it's just eating and dancing. And as we all know, those are 2 of my favorite things. Especially when it comes to Indian food.

Mehndi
- Again with the eating. Indians apparently like to ply people with food just as much as Jews do except they don't then immediately comment about how you should eat less because you might get fat(ter).

- Mehndi is fun and pretty and festive. My hand currently looks like this:

Pretty flowers! Yay.

- Also, at the mehndi party everyone takes this yellow gloppy stuff called turmeric and smears it all over the bride's face. It's supposed to make your skin really nice once you wash it off. I will not post pictures because the bride is in Italy and I think people would probably like to give permission (or lack thereof) before I post pictures of them on my blog with yellow gunk on their faces.

Rehearsal dinner
- This was a pretty normal rehearsal dinner, aside from the fact that afterwards there was a beer chugging contest between the bride and groom's sides. The groom's family is Irish and dominated. And then someone thought that a scotch drinking race would be a better idea. The bride's side shut it down, and I proceeded to file "throwing back a glass of scotch faster than I can drink water" under "things I'm pretty sure my dad would not do at my wedding, or ever."

Chura ceremony
- The morning of the wedding, some family and friends gather to adorn the bride with these little gold things that are pretty and jangly and get tied on to some bangles that she's already wearing. Yet again, it was fun and festive and if you like shiny things, pretty amazing.

Dun dun DUN, the wedding
- The wedding started at 3 PM with the groom riding up on a horse, and his family and friends dance around him while a drummer cranks out some awesome beats. The bride's mom had decided that all the non-Indians were to pretend to be on the groom's side and join his Irish family in attempting to bhangra dance. So me and Anny (maybe if I link to her blog she'll feel compelled to update it!) and a bunch of others danced by the horse. It was epic.

- Then there are a bunch of ceremonies before even the wedding ceremony. But overall the ceremonies seem to involve exchanging garlands and throwing stuff into a fire. And people dressing in amazing saris and other Indian attire that is so freaking gorgeous I would like to send my intern to India to buy me some (more on my and Crapface's imaginary interns later, or maybe never). I particularly enjoyed one part where the groom is supposed to make it difficult for the bride to put a garland around his neck because if he doesn't it means she's going to dominate the marriage. So when it came time to do that, a few of the bride's male family members ran and picked her up so that she could put the garland over the groom's head with no problem.

- After the ceremony it was a pretty standard reception aside from there being a lot of Indian music which is so upbeat and awesome except I really wish I knew how to not look like a stereotypically uncoordinated white person while dancing to it. Also there was some part where the children on the bride's side stole the groom's shoes and he had to pay them each $75 to get his shoes back. I wonder what smart little kid started this tradition.

- Sometime in there I decided that I want to become a whiskey drinker because women who drink whiskey are badass. I tested out this theory by ordering a Maker's Mark on the rocks, and the bartender said, "WHOA. Is this for you?" Point made.

THE POINT IS:

This wedding was amazing and I felt really honored to be there and to get to experience all of these new things. There were so many parts and I had so much fun just going with the flow. Also the bride's family is adorable and SO NICE and really went out of their way to make sure everyone had a good time. Note to future husband: I hope you're half Jewish half Indian so we can have an awesome combo wedding and I get to wear a white dress AND a gorgeous dress from India and have people put turmeric on my face and tie things onto my wrists and I can stuff my face with samosas and kati rolls and then you can smash a glass and we do the horah.

And don't forget, you have to have the same last name as me. A girl can dream, right?