The Miss America Pageant: Because Saturdays are meant to be spent in sweatpants

The scene: In my living room, decked out in a very sexy head-to-toe maroon sweatpants/hoodie ensemble. Oh, and can't forget the glorious nap socks.

The event: Miss America 2010, yo

Who I want to win, in this order:
1. Miss New York (obvi)
2. Miss New Jersey (also obvi)
3. Miss North Carolina (she's an AOII, sisters4lyfe)
4. Miss Nevada (because of my love for Vegas)
5. Miss Louisiana (because of my love for New Orleans)
6. Miss Massachusetts (obligatory but not genuine)

The Opening
8:01 PM: I could have choreographed a better opening dance than this
8:03 PM: In her intro, Miss Alaska made a joke about not being able to see Russia from her house. I'm putting her above MA on my list of hopefuls.
8:07 PM: I FUCKING CALLED IT, MISS NEW JERSEY MADE JOKES ABOUT JERSEY SHORE!!!

Proof:
(08:05:26 PM) Arielle: what are the odds that miss new jersey will say something about jersey shore?
(08:05:38 PM) Crapface: hahahahah

(08:07:34 PM) Crapface: you called it
(08:07:37 PM) Arielle: YESSSSSSS
(08:07:41 PM) Crapface: hahaha 10 points

Sorority joke from another AOII sister, via Crapface: "I hope NC's talent is 'take your man around the corner.' " (If you were in any sorority, or possibly even a fraternity, you will probably get this. Non-Greeks, sorry).

8:12 PM: Clinton Kelly looks like crap. Crappity crap. Oh Clinton, lose the facial hair.
8:19 PM: OH MY GOD SHAWN JOHNSON IS A JUDGE. Love. Her.
8:20 PM: Rush Limbaugh is a judge too? Was everyone picked out of a random grab bag o' moderately famous people?
8:27 PM: Miss Indiana is ass ugly. Sorry.
8:28 PM: Miss Hawaii is a semifinalist! I'm excited to see her because her talent is...hula (shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior) (yes, I sort of did some research yesterday)
8:30 PM: Miss Nebraska looks OLDDD

(08:30:00 PM) Crapface: she looks ancient
(08:30:02 PM) Arielle: she looks old

8:31 PM: Okay, the only person out of my top picks that made it to the semifinals is Miss Louisiana. Bummer city.

The Swimsuit Competition
8:40 PM: Look, you can SAY the swimsuit competition is about health and fitness, but you're not fooling anyone. You want fitness? Let's see these bitches benchpress.
8:42 PM: My girl Miss LA is practically spilling out of her top. Somewhere in NOLA, beads are being thrown at the TV screen in her boobalicious honor.
8:49 PM: LOUISIANA MAKES IT TO THE EVENINGWEAR ROUND. Hell yes.

The Eveningwear Round
8:54 PM: Oklahoma stumbles on the stairs. Plus, her dress looks like a weird mermaid fin gone awry.
8:56 PM: Virginia's BRIGHTER THAN A HIGHLIGHTER yellow dress hurts my eyes.
8:57 PM: Colorado's dress legit looks like she played that game in Super Mario 3 where you have to match up the 3 pieces of the mushroom or the flower or whatever. From the thighs down it looks like a completely different dress.
8:58 PM: Texas stumbles before she even gets to the stairs. The bottom of her dress looks like it was made from a shag carpet.

The Talent Competition
9:08 PM: If Shawn Johnson has anything to do with it, the ballerina will get cut. Because ballet is like gymnastics only wussier.
9:09 PM: Virginia is singing that song from Dreamgirls that Beyonce sings about 80 times better. Virginia, when it comes to Dreamgirls, you can't touch Beyonce. Or Jennifer Hudson. Or even Mercedes from Glee. GOD I MISS GLEE.
9:14 PM: Louisiana made it!! WOOHOO! (They're calling people one by one). She's a pretty dope piano player.
9:22 PM: Watching Nebraska "jazz dance" is like watching the audition rounds of So You Think You Can Dance when some people REALLY SUCK and you can't tell if the whole thing is a joke or if they're serious.
9:24 PM: Tennessee, you do NOT have the pipes to do "I Will Always Love You" justice. Let Whitney do Whitney's thing.
9:27 PM: Texas's little pop-up video style fun fact just said "Is inspired by Batman." Umm WHAT!?!
9:31 PM: I am underwhelmed by the hula. P.S. You know you've been affected by pop culture when you keep writing "hulu" instead of "hula."

The Question and Answer Round
9:43 PM: These are all pretty bogus, fluffy questions and answers.
9:44 PM: Louisiana makes it to this round too! Yeah babyyy. She pretty much sucked and didn't even answer her question properly.

The Reveal
4th Runner Up: Miss Kentucky
3rd Runner Up: Miss Louisiana (DOH, you were my girl Louisiana!)
2nd Runner Up: Miss Tennessee
1st Runner Up: Miss California
I am totally predicting Hawaii for the win. Saying it RIGHT NOW.
The winna is....Virginia (I lose).

9:58 PM: Virginia just mouthed "THANK YOU JESUS!" and her mom is wearing an inappropriately short dress. I hate her already.

Aaaaand scene.