The twelve days of Chanukah

As I mentioned in my Santacon post, a ton of us Santa/elven folk were crowded onto a packed C train screaming the Twelve Days of Christmas at the top of our lungs. Now, I actually hate most things Christmas including Christmas music, but the drunkenness was upon me and I went with the moment. It got me thinking, however, about what a Twelve Days of Chanukah song might be like. So here's what I came up with. My fabulous friend Nancy helped me out with 3 and 4 when I got stuck. She is far wittier than I.

Before I begin, don't get all, "But there's only 8 days of Chanukah" up in my grill. I have yet to see anyone actually celebrate Christmas for 12 days. Between the song and those crazy advent calendars, this Jew thinks you people just made that shit up out of jealousy over our 8 crazy nights. "Oh yeah? 8 crazy nights? I'm going to tack 11 days on to Christmas right now! Take that! And you know what else? Let's extend it even further than 11 days and for every day you can eat a piece of chocolate! What up NOW, Jews!"

Anyway. The song.

On the first day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, a bottle of Manischewitz wine

On the second day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the third day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the fourth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the fifth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, fiiiiiiiive golden coins!
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the sixth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the seventh day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the eighth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, eight yentas talking
Seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the ninth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, nine candles burning
Eight yentas talking
Seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the tenth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, ten people noshing
Nine candles burning
Eight yentas talking
Seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the eleventh day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, eleven latkes frying
Ten people noshing
Nine candles burning
Eight yentas talking
Seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiiiive golden coins
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trips
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

On the twelfth day of Chanukah my true love gave to me, twelve dreidels spinning
Eleven latkes frying
Ten people noshing
Nine candles burning
Eight yentas talking
Seven cantors singing
Six children kvetching
Fiiiiiive golden coins!
Four Loehmann's sales
Three guilt trip
Two matzah balls
And a bottle of Manischewitz wine.

Let's make this happen, fellow chosen people. Just like fetch. Making it happen.