If you haven't read part 1 of the Bongo Jordy story, read it here.
When we left off, Bongo Jordy was trying to tempt me over to his apartment on Saturday night by being creepy. Monday morning, I had this nice little apology email for all his cray cray:
Sorry about last night I was joking with you because you said you were drunk, I'm not some sexual pervert, tell you the truth I haven't done it in almost three years so I can manage it, just wanted to say I was joking and I'm sorry for being foolish. Really Im not one of those kinds of people, you know what I'm talking about nymphomaniacs or whatever. (SWOON CITY, obvi).
When I read that email I knew (okay, I knew before this, let's be real) that Bongo Jordy may in fact be certifiable and that I should stop responding to him. So I haven't acknowledged him at all since Saturday night but still, he persists. He then decided to email me his thoughts on...well, lots of things pop culture. Examples:
(After asking me when i was free so he could buy me a margarita somewhere): I know I'm no Harry Potter, but dammit if I can't pretend to cast spells with my magical wand in times square!
Ok also what's up that stupid movie Twilight, some stupid skinny white chick can't decide either to pick some rich English vampire or some stupid Indian ware wolf, I mean really and Indian that turns into wolf, what are you going to do with that, 'honey I need to go to store, can you turn into a giant wolf so you can run down there." Whereas the cool vampire has a bitchen audio with a dope house. Come on seriously she can't decide?
Oh and another thing, what's up with Woopi Goldberg? - she looks like some kind of rastafarian Buddhist. Really people want her view?
Okay, the Twilight email (there was another one that I opted out of posting) was sort of hilarious. Indian "ware wolf, "bitchen audio," I mean, COME ON. But still. Bongo Jordy, you're donezo.
I hadn't heard from him in awhile, but then Wednesday night I got this one:
Hey those messages were quite dumb, and I know there's a lot of different guys in the sea, but is not a man with fidelity worth more than rubies?
I mean...just stop.
That's all....for now. I sort of have the feeling that I haven't heard the last from Bongo Jordy.
4 comments:
No you haven't. He is going to text or email stalk you until the end of time. But tell him his email impersonation of Jerry Seinfeld was pretty spot on. I can hear through is words the rise/fall of his voice.
Please continue not to respond to him. But please continue to post any of his correspondences here.
Oh hey, remember when we were at Trailer Park and I yelled at you about ALL OF THE RED FLAGS? Right.
Although, to be fair, these stories are too good to pass up, so I think it's a wash.
This is when you send him back an equally or even more creepy text message or email. Like "So whats the deal with airline food? Why do they call it the 'mile high' club anyway?"
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