The price of beauty

Women do the most ridiculous things in the name of beauty. We wear shoes that hurt our feet, stockings that restrict us from breathing, and put chemicals...pretty much everywhere.

I recently sent a text message to Lacey because she had mentioned that she had a product for her nails and cuticles to make them nicer, and I wanted in. I asked her what it was, and she responded with, "Healthy Hoof. It's what trainers use on horses."

Now, considering that people use Preparation H to reduce the appearance of under-eye bags, I shouldn't really have been surprised by the absolute absurdity of what she said. But I was.

I mean, really? We've gone as low as putting horse cream on our hands? My nails may not be the nicest ever and I may have shredded cuticles from unintentionally picking at them, but when I look at my hands I certainly do not think, "Man, these mitts of mine sure do look like horsey hooves."

Naturally, I had no idea where I was supposed to go buy this horse cream. So I asked, figuring I would have to purchase it from some weirdo horse groomer supply website. But oh no, Lacey told me I could find it at any drugstore. "Where?" I thought. "The barnyard aisle?"

I went to CVS and found it by the rest of the nailcare things (obviously). So I guess this pony stuff has become a bit more mainstream and I can rest easy knowing that my friends don't actually go and use real horse products. And while I am mildly reassured that the tub does say that it's intended for nails and cuticles, it also says quite blatantly that it contains "the original equestrian formula used by horse trainers." Is this supposed to make me want to use it more? Because last I checked, horse things are not typically meant for people (this includes PCP, AKA horse tranquilizers. People, don't take weird animal drugs, please).

While it hasn't been long enough for me to tell whether or not my new hoof cream is doing any real good, my cuticles do feel pretty soft. So I guess I'm okay with this new, slightly absurd addition to my beauty regimen. And when the next ridiculous thing comes along, I may just hop on that bandwagon too. Gotta look gorgeous somehow, right? Right.