The proper usage of the STRIKE

Look, friends. I've seen some atrocities in blogland recently and I CAN'T TAKE THE HORROR ANYMORE.

People need to learn the proper usage of the strike. You know. THE STRIKE.

Since I invented the strike back in college (many of you will disagree with this, but I care not), I am the perfect person to tell you all how to properly use it. SPREAD THE WORD. I will not tolerate incorrect strikages any longer.

The first common strike mistake is striking out the wrong word. When the truth is something unfortunate and you want to pretend to cover it up, it becomes amusing. If you cross out the fake word and NOT the real word, the humor is gone. Example:

The dessert was an assortment of different flavored miniature tarts. They were so freaking amazing that I ate two eighty-six.

See? Not funny.

The second common strike mistake is striking out the word and then not inserting the fake word at all. This is just flat out stupid because then what the hell are you striking for? NOTHING, I SAY. Look:

The dessert was an assortment of different flavored miniature tarts. They were so freaking amazing that I ate eighty-six.

Dumb. Pointless strike.

Here, my friends, is how that sentence should appear:

The dessert was an assortment of different flavored miniature tarts. They were so freaking amazing that I ate eighty-six two.

See? It is evident here that I actually ate eighty-six tarts (this sentence is clearly based in reality, and while I didn't count actual tarts consumed, it was probably pretty close to that number) but since I know that 86 is too many, I'm going to pretend I only ate 2. But we all know that no one can eat just 2 tiny delicious tarts (a post about my catering job and the delicious food that comes with it is forthcoming).

And there you have it. How to use the strike. Use it well, bloggies. Use it well.