I'm Riding a Unicorn and My Hands Shoot Rainbows

If you're up on all the cool stuff that goes viral on the interwebs these days (which I only am some of the time, seeing as I only figured out what the fuck the Harlem Shake is about 3 days ago), you heard about the craigslist post written by 2 brothers seeking 2 girls to be their dates at a wedding.

To continue reading this post, please click that link if you haven't already read the craigslist hilarity.

I'm serious, y'all. Normally I'd be all, "okay I know you won't read it so here's a summary," but you seriously need to read it or the rest of this post will make no sense. Plus, it's funny and will not be a waste of your time. Pinky swear.

So my friend and I read that post and knew we had to respond. So we did. Our response, as well as the pictures we included, are below.


Subject: We, too, can photoshop our heads onto mythical creatures
You: 2 hilarious guys who need wedding dates


Us: 2 hilarious (if we say so ourselves) chicks who apparently want to spend our Wednesday night composing a response to your wedding date search.

Full disclosure: we aren’t really sure we want to be your wedding dates, mostly because one of our favorite hobbies is, “not getting murdered by random craigslisters,” but we’re willing to explore the opportunity while for the moment continuing to hide behind the ever-so-thin veneer of anonymity that comes with responding to a craigslist ad using a real email address and real photos. Whatever, on to the good stuff.

More about us!

We are Arielle and Anna, 2 awesome 20-something chicks who live in New York. We aren’t sisters, but people have often said we look alike (bold-faced lie, but can you blame us?). We’re friends who met while playing in a social sports league on what would become a championship kickball team. We won a pizza party for our efforts. This is true, if not legendary.

We think we would be pretty sweet wedding dates because we feel passionately about all things dancing (waiver, schmaiver!), open bar, and wearing dresses and heels. We clean up pretty nicely, but are, we suppose thankfully, not hot enough that your creepy uncles would feel the need to get handsy.

Both of us are well-educated and gainfully employed, and will happily converse with your family members on any topic from current events to making fun of other people’s outfits to how perfect pigs-in-a-blanket are the ideal wedding food. We can be classy and help you stay out of trouble if necessary, but if you want partners in doing a few too many shots or running around the wedding with ties around your heads, we can totally get on your level.

DISCLAIMER: no matter how classy you want us to be, if any Kanye or Jay-Z comes on at this wedding, we WILL rap along to it. Loudly. We would apologize in advance, but we’re not actually sorry.

Outside of weddings, we like to think we’re pretty fun. We once hunted down a Seinfeld-themed food truck and took photos of the Soup Nazi, we’ve seen the Foo Fighters for free in Central Park, we dressed up as Frosty the Snowman and Mrs. Claus for Santacon 2012, and we were extras in a to-be-released movie with Adam Levine (so get in on this before we get famous!). And this is all in the last year.

The point is, you won’t find better people than us. We’d be lying if we said we totally expect to hear from you because bets are you got some crazy awesome responses to this post. We’re also not egomaniacs like that. But we’d also be lying if we said we expect you’ll have as much fun with some other ladies. For example, did anyone else make you a matching photoshopped self portrait involving a precious American document, mythical creatures, and our smokin’ hot heads? Maybe, but we’re guessing none with such style. Either way, we’re pretty excited to share our application materials with you (and probably with our friends) since we liked your offer so much.

See you around the Internet, boys... or perhaps majestic Saratoga.

Anna and Arielle