The best idea I've ever had. Ever.

It all started when someone asked me to explain the story of Chanukah.

Now, I KNOW the story of Chanukah. However, during my retelling I realized there were a few details that escaped me - namely, the name of the Jew-oppressing king, and over which of the Jews' many friendly neighboring nations he presided.

This led me to wikipedia, where I was able to brush up on the Chanukah-related knowledge that I've lost since I learned all this stuff in Jew school years ago. One link led to another, and I ended up spending a good chunk of time reading about different Jewish holidays and writings and Old Testament characters.

It was a pretty upsetting experience, actually, because I seriously knew all of this stuff at one point in time. But I sadly lack the kind of spongey-brain that others do and instead of retaining anything I learned in school, my brain is filled with useless song lyrics, how to count from 1 to 10 in Tamil, and all the minute plot lines from Glee episodes, even the ones they abandoned after one episode (remember when they kicked Finn off the football team for a day? Why even bother?).

And then it hit me.

I, and probably many other people, would remember stuff that happened in the bible if they made it into a TELEVISION SHOW.

I am so beyond serious.

The bible (and by that I mean Old Testament, because I do not proclaim to know even the first thing about the New Testament except maybe there's a Matthew and a Paul and a Jesus) has so much interesting and crazy stuff in it that it would actually make for a really awesome TV show.

Picture it:

God sits around (voiced by either Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones, clearly), kind of bored.

"Ho hum, how do I entertain myself from now until eternity?"

BLAST! Light! BLAST! Trees! BLAST! Animals! BLAST! People!

God: Alright Adam and Eve, hang out here in the garden. Your life will be awesome. Just don't eat from this one tree.

Snake: EVE! Eat from this tree! It's soooo yummy!

Eve: Okay, if you twist my arm...

God: EVE! You idiot, you ruined it for everyone. Now people are going to have to deal with FIRE and WAR and JUSTIN BIEBER.

I can imagine the conversations people will have about it the day after the episodes air.

Friend 1: DUDE did you watch The Bible Show last night? I can't believe Cain killed Abel like what the crap man THAT WAS SO CRAZY, HIS OWN BROTHER!

Friend 2: Aw come on man, give me a spoiler alert next time I didn't get to watch yet!

There is just so much awesome material here. You have fathers almost sacrificing sons and epic floods and wars and lots of wine consumption and sexy sex (even incest!) and deceit and fights with angels and all through it is AWESOME GOD smiting people left and right.

God: Pharoah you ass, Moses asked you like 100 times to let his people be freed from slavery in Egypt. Cue the blood! Frogs! Locusts! Boils! Super thick darkness! Slaying of the first born children! And all those other plagues including HAIL FILLED WITH FIRE.

There isn't much that's more badass than hail filled with fire.

God: Sodom and Gomorrah! Ya'll are a bunch of Sinner McSinsalots. FIRE AND BRIMSTONE!
God: Oh by the way, Lot and Family, when you're running away from Sodom and Gomorrah as they burn to a crisp, don't look back or ELSE.

Lot's Wife: ::turns around::

God: Did you learn nothing from Eve!?!? Why don't you people listen to me when I tell you not to do things? ::turns Lot's wife into a pillar of salt::

You get the idea.

I would watch this show. I think a lot of people would. It would be an action-packed show with a large enough cast to create a job for every struggling actor in Hollywood and it would be amazing.

Mark my words.