Epic bus FAIL

After a fabulous and exhausting wedding weekend, I wanted to get my arse back to Boston to unpack, put up pictures and otherwise relax. I had booked a bus at 3:45 because I wasn't sure what time I was going to get back to Manhattan. And from here I will tell the story in a timeline fashion. It's long, but bear with me.

1:00 PM: I get back to NYC from the wedding, and I have nearly 3 hours to kill until my bus.

3:00 PM: I start heading to the bus. I see an email that my bus is delayed until 5:15. I briefly contemplate going to Port Authority to buy a Greyhound ticket because I just want to get back already, but decide to save the money and kill another 2 hours. Blarg.

5:40 PM: My bus finally leaves. I get out my laptop and start plugging away at some homework.

6:20 PM: Bus driver says, "We have some technical difficulties." We pull over on a highway entrance ramp.

6:30 PM: No progress has been made as to determining how we are eventually going to get out of this situation. I call work to tell them I can't work at 9:00 AM the next day, which seems premature but I decide is a good idea anyway.

7:00 PM: A mechanic is on the way. I am confused as to why they're sending a mechanic and not a replacement bus, but whatever. They put on Up and everyone is happy because that movie is awesome.

7:45 PM: Bus driver says, "The mechanic went looking for us in New Jersey. No idea why. He's on his way now."

8:15 PM: Mechanic is here! Fix this shit, please.

8:30 PM: Up is over. They put on another movie but I decide to go back to my homework. Thank the flying spaghetti monster (which I learned about over the weekend) for my computer.

8:45 PM: One passenger has called 911 and asked for a state trooper to come keep us company since we are horrifically unsafe as we are surrounded by highway on both sides. He comes and his truck with flashy lights makes us feel only marginally better.

9:00 PM: Driver says the mechanic is unable to fix the problem. "He did what he did before but it didn't work this time." Passengers: "What do you mean, did before?" Driver: "We had this same problem earlier today on the way down to New York, that's why we were delayed." Passengers: PUNCH KICK TASER HATE. They are going to find us a replacement bus.

9:30 PM: Management still has not located a bus for us. People begin calling cab companies to get quotes on cab rides to Boston.

9:45 PM: A bus should be here in an hour and 15 minutes. People begin jumping ship in taxis.

10:10 PM: 2 more cabs arrive. One is supposed to take some people to Framingham, the other is supposed to take me and 2 others to Boston for the lovely price of 300 or so dollars. One cab parks right in front of the bus, the other one in a pseudo median lane between two lanes of traffic.

10:15 PM: State trooper gives the cab parked in the median a ticket for being an idiot. Also says that if anyone crosses the highway to go get in the cab, we will be fined $50 - $75 dollars each. The cabbie who was smart enough to park by the bus has an expired license, but the state trooper lets him go with no ticket. He then says that as long as the first cab moves out of the median, both cabs are free to take people to Massachusetts. The Boston people choose the expired license cab, and as the Framingham people wait for the other cab to get over to us, the cabbie gets annoyed about his ticket and drives away.

10:30 PM: F the Framingham losers, we're off to Boston.

10:35 PM: I say, "We all have credit cards, can we pay with that?" Driver: "Cash is preferred." Another passenger: "If we paid in cash, how much would it be?" Driver calls his boss to discuss.

10:40 PM: Driver's boss wants 3 dollars PER MILE, AKA around 600 dollars. We say no and try to bargain him down. Driver's boss won't back down, and so we tell the driver to take us back to the bus.

11:00 PM: We're back at the bus. As we pull up, the Framingham people, who had found a different cab company, ask why we're back. We tell them. They decide to use our experience as a lesson and ask about the price. Lo and behold, the driver wants more than they were quoted on the phone.

11:05 PM: The bus driver says the replacement bus is 30 minutes away even though it was supposed to be an hour and 15 minutes away....an hour and 15 minutes ago.

11:30 PM: After a fruitless bout of haggling, the Framingham people ditch their cab and return to the bus.

1:05 AM: The replacement bus arrives. We get on it and one woman starts screaming about how there is no bathroom or overheard lights or any amenities that our bus is supposed to have. Everyone else is too tired to care. We pass out.

4:10 AM: Bus arrives in Framingham to drop off passengers. One girl is supposed to have a taxi pick her up but her taxi isn't here yet and she insists that the bus wait with her instead of leaving her to wait alone in the middle of the night. I shoot her mental daggers for the entire 15 minutes until her cab comes.

4:50 AM: BOSTON. FINALLY. I briefly contemplate waiting for the T, realize it will be nearly an hour until the T opens, and get in a cab.

5:10 AM: Get home nearly 12 hours after leaving New York. Pass out and die.