What Happens When the Internet Ceases to Hear About Your Life for One Week

It seems like a long time ago now that I posted about giving up posting on social media for a week.

(Duh Arielle, that's because it WAS a long time ago)

One of my lovely readers asked me for an update as to how this went, and this made me inexplicably happy because I love that even though hardly anyone reads this blog, my readers like to call me out when I do shit like forget to follow up on things.

So, I was supposed to give up tweeting, Facebook status-updating, and all that jazz from Sunday December 23rd through Saturday December 29th. And full disclosure, I completely forgot about it for the first day.

OOPS.

The only thing I ended up posting on Facebook during the time I forgot that I wasn't supposed to be posting on Facebook were some googly pictures, which thankfully do not represent an up-to-the-minute, "oh my god this is happening RIGHT NOW and I need to tell the world about it RIGHT NOW" kind of update.

Full disclosure part 2 - on Christmas day my roommates and I were walking around wearing reindeer headbands, and I posted a picture of us on Facebook knowing full well that I had promised myself that I wouldn't do such things. But the thing is, REINDEER HEADBANDS. So I made an exception.

So you're probably thinking, "well, you failed at this challenge, you suck." And maybe you're right. But really, I did still manage to learn a lot from it. It was kind of amazing to realize how often I thought about tweeting or posting something and how often I had to give myself a mental slap on the wrist to prevent myself from doing it. Out of all the things I wanted to post, I remember exactly zero of them. Which means they were clearly of the utmost importance and all my Twitter followers and Facebook friends are missing out on these tidbits of sheer brilliance.

Right.

I think one of the most important takeaways of this whole thing though is that my life really wasn't different at all during that week. I didn't do anything I wouldn't ordinarily have done, and I didn't even feel that weird about not being allowed to share my thoughts with the internet. The thoughts just kind of came and went, much like how they used to before social media made us want to share ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So it's a little comforting knowing that should the internet explode one day, I'll be okay.

That being said, I've gone right back to my semi-frequent social media life updates, and even today Facebooked and Tweeted more than normal (in my defense, I booked a trip to London today AND dyed my hair red, so it was a big day in my life).

One day I should take on a real challenge, which would be no reading of social media for a week, instead of just no posting. But I'm not ready for that yet. And probably will not ever be ready for that. Too scary.

#singlepeopleproblems

When Jess found a Thought Catalog article called, "20 Things Single People Hate," we knew that we, as self-appointed experts on being single, had to offer our thoughts. Click here to read her comments on this list (I would tell you to read the article first, but I know you won't, you lazy asses).

Out of the 20 items on this list, I've decided to highlight my 4 favorite and 4 least favorite items.

Favorites:

1) "Being reminded you are single or told that, for any reason, your lack of being romantically attached to anyone makes you a less desirable or fit human being."

Yes. Being in a relationship does not make you better than me. Only being hotter or smarter or cooler or funnier or having a better wardrobe or being able to kill it on Expert level Guitar Hero makes you better than me.

2) "Not singing along to Kelly Clarkson. What else are you supposed to do when you hear “Since U Been Gone”? I didn’t know that there was legally another option, and I happen to be a rule follower. I’m just doing my civic duty."

I have no idea what this really has to do with being single. Anyone can sing along to Kelly Clarkson and everyone SHOULD sing along to Kelly Clarkson because I am a firm believer in the fact that you don't really need a song's lyrics to relate to the very depths of your soul in order to want to belt them out while drunk at a bar. See: Journey. Do you connect to the story of the small town girl and the city boy? I certainly don't. What the hell does "streetlight people" even mean? When it's 2am and you're running on a mixture of Bud Light and shots of SoCo, no one cares. You just sing.

3) "Hearing that you’re “too picky,” need to “get out there,” that you should “try harder” or need to “settle down already!” "

If I wanted to lower my standards to include some ugly loser with no personality, or walk around with my boobs hanging out in order to try and get my milkshake to bring more boys to the yard, I would do that. I am content with my high standards and my current policy of not-throwing-myself-at-every-guy-ever.

4) "Being told you haven’t met the right person. Duh. If you had met them, you would probably be with them."

More than this, I hate being told that I will meet the right person. YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS, WELL-INTENTIONED FRIEND. Does everyone in life get married? No. When I tell people that I could be single for the rest of my life, I would like them to stop thinking that I'm searching for compliments. The correct response is not, "Ohh pshhh you're great, of course you won't be single for the rest of your life." The right answer is to agree with me and then engage me in a logistical discussion about what would happen if I DO end up being single forever. Preparation is key and I would rather think this through than deny it and then be blindsided when several decades from now I've somehow morphed into a crazy puppy lady (because cats...ew).

Sidenote: being a crazy puppy lady does not sound like a bad way to lead my life. I could live with this because...PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES.


Least Favorites:

1) "Seeing people you hate getting engaged on Facebook."

This doesn't bother me at all, actually. People I hate are terrible, and so their husbands or wives-to-be are probably also terrible. I don't envy anyone just by virtue of the fact that they're getting married; I only envy those who are marrying someone that I myself would want to marry. That means you, Blake Lively, you steaming sack of crap.

2) "Thinking about the fact that Kim Kardashian will reproduce before you will."

I think this one is stupid because HELLO, if you're dating Kanye West and you don't want to reproduce then what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't even find him particularly attractive but I DO find him particularly awesome. I'm not even sure if I ever want to have kids, but I would definitely want some Arielle/Kanye hybrids running around. Because they would be ridiculous and great. So yeah, Kim is never going to do better than Kanye and this receives my stamp of approval.

3) "Those moments where everyone else is sleeping with someone but you."

HAHA. I pity everyone who has to share a bed on a regular basis.

Oh wait, does this mean sex and not actual sleeping? Because then that sucks. But I really think it means literal sleeping and not winkwinknudgenudge "sleeping."

4) "When you can’t find your vibrator."

Ladies, if this has ever happened to you, please tell me. Because what the fuck.

Does the Dream Man Change?

Everyone has an ideal man or woman. You know, that perfect person who lives only in your hottest makeout dreams.

(I'm not the only person who has makeout dreams, right?)

(Right?)

(Awkwardddd)

Today, my partner in Single Girl crime, Jess, and I are discussing how the dream guy has changed over the years. Jess specifically wanted to compare our dream men at 21/22 vs. our dream men now, which is fortuitous because I happen to have a blog post that I wrote when I was 21 about this very thing.

You know this is old school because I couldn't be bothered to capitalize or punctuate anything. Oh, to be young and full of ennui. Anyway, here is my unedited DREAM SEXY MAN list from 2005. Ahem.


- between 6' and 6'3
- beauuuuutiful eyes. any color, as long as they have some intensity in them
- medium build (no one scrawny, no football player types)
- wears GLASSES. not nerdy ben folds glasses, intellectual looking glasses. like janeane garofalo (how badly did i just butcher that name?) or rivers cuomo.
- smarter than me but doesnt necessarily know it. intellect comes out in conversation
- dresses decently but NOT preppy. polo shirts are allowed, but NO POPPED COLLARS.
- knows how to dance and isnt afraid to do it
- loves the booze and hitting up bars
- athletic, because everyone needs a running buddy
- has some stereotypically male interests, like video games, sports, whathaveyou
- has no intention of celebrating any anniversaries before 6 months
- knows that flowers are not always an appropriate gift
- must be liberal and votes in at LEAST presidential elections
- has hobbies or passions in life, music is preferably one of them (playing an instrument, big bonus)
- jewish, but like me, sees religion as more of family bonding than a way of life

And then I guess I just couldn't stop the waterfall of inspiration because I wrote another post later that day with an addendum.


- either the same age as me or no more than 2 years older (not younger)
- sense of humor
- laaaaaid back (with his mind on his money and his money on his mind)
- has not already dated or hooked up with any of my friends
- good in bed. obviously.
- doesnt need to cuddle to fall asleep (as you all know, there is no touching any other human being while sleeping)
- knows and exercises the difference between the word "less" and the word "fewer"
- can fix my computer when it inevitably malfunctions

After reading through this list, I kind of have to say - 21 year old me had her shit RIGHT. I still agree with most of these. But here are some specific comments:

- I still have a glasses fetish. But what I described at 21 is hipster glasses. I do not want to date a man with Rivers Cuomo glasses. I don't even want to date Rivers Cuomo (anymore). Normal looking glasses are just fine. And by just fine I mean...swoon.

- I like that I said I didn't want to date a guy who pops his collar yet, as we learned in this post, when I was 22 I had a brief involvement with the guy who wrote the wikipedia entry on popped collars I CANNOT MAKE THIS UP.

God I am so awesome. Slash terrible.

- HAHAHA I wanted a running buddy. LOLZ PAST ARIELLE, WHO ARE YOU.

- Ditto on guys playing instruments. Bleh.

- I am now willing to date someone more than 2 years older. I am also willing to go a few years younger, because, let's face it, I'm immature. Is there a difference between a 26 year old guy and me? Nope.

- I cannot date someone who is too laid back. "Laid back" is just another way of saying "flaky."

Seriously though, I more or less nailed it. I could add a few things if I wanted to but really, this guy sounds pretty great. Sign me up.