Goodbye, Roxy

In my junior year of high school, my family adopted an 8 week old german shepherd mix from a shelter. I didn't think she could replace our golden retriever, who we had lost a few months earlier, but I quickly grew to love her for all the things that made her similar to - as well as different from - our first dog.

That was 14 years ago, and I cannot imagine my New Jersey home without Roxy's face greeting me in the window, sitting under the table hoping to catch some scraps during meals, or resting in the den while my parents watch TV. I loved playing games with her around the house, and even as she got older and less energetic, I would always spend a fair amount of time at home sitting next to her on the floor, petting her and trying to get her to pose for pictures.

14 is pretty old for a dog, but Roxy was surprisingly healthy. She was lazier, sure, and we were pretty sure she didn't hear as well as she used to, but she was still pretty youthful for her age. I knew, though, that it couldn't last that long, and for the last few months I've had a sneaking feeling in the back of my head that she was due to start declining pretty soon. I sometimes felt preemptively sad for the pain I knew was coming - I had seen my last dog's health decline (he was only 7 years old, sadly) and knew it was a heartbreaking process. But I would accept and enjoy Roxy's good health as long as I could.

What I did not expect was the New Year's Day phone call from my dad. It started with, "there was an accident," and even though it was only an 8 minute phone call, it felt like the world's longest story. I started sobbing long before he reached the end, because I knew what the punchline was going to be.

All this time I was worrying about my dog getting sick, but instead I should have been worrying about her getting hit by a car.

And so I've spent the last day crying hysterically, partially because the dog I've known for almost half my life is gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye, and partially because the end of her life was so tragic and unfair. I've been crying for the pain and fear I hope she wasn't conscious enough to feel, and for the fact that if she was conscious, there was a span of several hours between the time of the accident and the time that she was put down at the vet's office after they determined that her back was broken. She deserved so much better.

Roxy, you were a great friend and pseudo kid sister, and you brought so much joy to our family for so many years. I will always miss you.