I Think A Change Would Do You Good

It's not often that you hear someone go, "Oh, I LOVE change." Because hardly anyone does, it seems.

Like most others, I'm not a fan of change, mostly because I hate uncertainty. I'm no perfectionist but I'm definitely Type A - I like to know where everything is and how everything works and who is doing what, and transitions don't really play well into that.

I'm not even talking about big changes, like moving (which I hate, by the way. Though really, does anyone like lugging shit up and down stairs, changing your mailing address, and all the other nonsense that comes along with moving?). Even little changes annoy me, like when I had to buy a new cover for my iPod.

Totally serious.

My new cover doesn't feel the same as the old one, and since my iPod is almost always in my hands when I listen to it, I had to get used to the new feel of the volume buttons, because I obsessively adjust the volume up and down while I listen and yes this is an annoying habit and no I cannot stop doing it. Anyway. The iPod thing is totally not a big deal, but it drove me nuts for the first week.

Hating change and uncertainty means I also hate traveling. Which is ridiculous because I love traveling - I love seeing new places and doing research about what I want to do/see/eat/etc. But I hate living out of suitcases (which is why I always fully unpack if I'm staying somewhere more than 2 nights), I hate not knowing how to get around, and I hate not knowing what my schedule is for every second of the day.

And don't even get me started about the fact that I'm probably going to have to do a factory reset on my phone soon (thanks, piece of shit HTC Incredible). Even though I've had this phone for 2 years and I already know how to use it, the thought of having to redo all my settings makes me want to cry.

My aversion to change is pretty weird because it makes me completely uptight when I don't think I'm normally an uptight person. I'm the kind of person who, when I fuck up my manicure before I've even left the salon, will just kind of say, "whatever," and move along instead of asking the person to redo that nail.

I kind of wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't so averse to change. Lots of people have asked me if I would ever consider taking a job in a new city, and I always answer with a resounding "HELL TO THE NO," because as much as life in New York is anything BUT routine, I'm comfortable here, I love it here, and have no desire to learn a completely new city (also, I think everywhere else is inferior to New York but that's another issue).

My unwillingness to leave New York is just one example of a way in which I might be limiting myself because I don't want to have to adjust to new circumstances. I remember talking to my friend Crapface awhile ago about how we have no desire to date because the process of getting to know someone is annoying. Neither of us wants to have to learn how best to be someone's girlfriend - we just want to skip ahead to the part where you can sit around with no makeup on and talk to your boyfriend about nothing or fall asleep with your head on his shoulder because whatever sports he's watching on TV is boring. You know, the comfortable part where you don't wonder every 2 seconds if you're doing something wrong.

I wrote a post awhile back about how holding all my emotional cards close to my chest makes it hard for me to let go, and even though I'm not talking about emotions right now, I sort of feel like this is another way in which I'm somehow restricting myself. As in, what could I potentially accomplish if I wasn't afraid of the effort required in breaking out of my comfort zone?

Not knowing what I could potentially be doing is both good and bad. On the one hand, I'm pretty happy with my life and so I don't really feel like there are major things I'm missing out on. But on the other hand, what if there ARE major things I'm missing out on, and me not knowing what they are means I can't ever work towards them?

I (or anyone) could get so much further in life by being able to identify areas for improvement than just by saying I want to improve. "Try not to hate change so much" is much less effective for personal development than "work on X Y or Z problem area."

So I don't fully know what the whole point of this post is, really. I guess just something I'm thinking about. When faced with new situations in the future, I'm going try to remember that change isn't bad just because it's different. In fact, sometimes it's better - for that exact reason.

**This is my new series called Stratejoy Monday. To learn more about all this goodness, see the first 5 months of my Stratejoy journey here.