Three of my friends recently shared this link on Facebook. It's a New York Times Magazine article about how 20-somethings are taking longer to grow up these days, how they're traveling around, relying on their parents too much, "avoiding commitments" and otherwise not accepting the imminent demise of their youths.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I didn't read the whole article. It was really long and I got lazy. Judging by the comment stream on Facebook there is a lot more to the article than what I read. But I'm just commenting on the first section. You know, in case any of you read the whole thing and get confused as to why I didn't address the rest of it.
The article mentioned the 5 milestones of adulthood: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child. People are reaching these milestones later than ever, and apparently, this is concerning.
While the article fully admits that the idea of these milestones is outdated, it still sort of uses them as a basis on which to judge whether or not people have "grown up."
This concept, in my opinion, is completely and totally ridiculous in a really frustrating way.
While I have successfully reached the first 3 milestones, it will be a long time before I reach the last 2, if ever. Furthermore, I'm moving back home in a few days and while I don't receive any money from my parents, I'm not really sure you can be considered financially independent if you live at home and don't pay for rent, food or laundry. So essentially I'm back at milestone #1, which I have actually completed twice (extra credit?).
Somehow, though, I don't feel like any less of an adult. My concerns these days are more of "I need to find a job," "I have a mountain of debt," and "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T MY WALL STREET JOURNAL COME TODAY?" (seriously, that stressed me out and is pretty much the reason why I thought to even write this post). These are far different concerns than the ones I had when I was 22, fresh out of college and admittedly a lot less mature. I worried about where I would drink on the weekends and whether or not I would receive any funny emails at work that day. Those are still my concerns, don't get me wrong, but they've moved down on the priority list.
When I think about my friends who are married or have children, it seems totally foreign to me. I say things like "Wow, he/she is like a REAL PERSON now," but it's all said in the spirit of facetiousness. Because really, I don't think that having a spouse or a child makes someone any more of an adult. It means they may have more responsibilities and again, different priorities, but not necessarily that they're more "adult."
The difference between being single andfree childless and being married with children is mostly circumstantial, and partially a matter of different life choices. My [legally] single friends aren't married because they haven't met the right person or haven't reached that point in their relationships (circumstances). The reason they don't have children is because they haven't decided that they want children yet (life choices - because even if you're single, if you want a baby you can obviously have one anyway).
I guess the idea that I'm not an adult purely because I haven't yet completed the good ol' all-American college-job-husband-child path really just doesn't sit well with me. What about the path of college-job-grad school-focus on career-kick ass at aformentioned career-let the husband/baby thing happen when it happens? I don't think there is anything wrong with slowing down and taking the time to figure out what's right for me. Maybe if everyone wasn't so desperate to get married we wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate in this country.
If your blogs are any indication, I have a feeling a lot of you out there would agree with me on this one.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I didn't read the whole article. It was really long and I got lazy. Judging by the comment stream on Facebook there is a lot more to the article than what I read. But I'm just commenting on the first section. You know, in case any of you read the whole thing and get confused as to why I didn't address the rest of it.
The article mentioned the 5 milestones of adulthood: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child. People are reaching these milestones later than ever, and apparently, this is concerning.
While the article fully admits that the idea of these milestones is outdated, it still sort of uses them as a basis on which to judge whether or not people have "grown up."
This concept, in my opinion, is completely and totally ridiculous in a really frustrating way.
While I have successfully reached the first 3 milestones, it will be a long time before I reach the last 2, if ever. Furthermore, I'm moving back home in a few days and while I don't receive any money from my parents, I'm not really sure you can be considered financially independent if you live at home and don't pay for rent, food or laundry. So essentially I'm back at milestone #1, which I have actually completed twice (extra credit?).
Somehow, though, I don't feel like any less of an adult. My concerns these days are more of "I need to find a job," "I have a mountain of debt," and "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T MY WALL STREET JOURNAL COME TODAY?" (seriously, that stressed me out and is pretty much the reason why I thought to even write this post). These are far different concerns than the ones I had when I was 22, fresh out of college and admittedly a lot less mature. I worried about where I would drink on the weekends and whether or not I would receive any funny emails at work that day. Those are still my concerns, don't get me wrong, but they've moved down on the priority list.
When I think about my friends who are married or have children, it seems totally foreign to me. I say things like "Wow, he/she is like a REAL PERSON now," but it's all said in the spirit of facetiousness. Because really, I don't think that having a spouse or a child makes someone any more of an adult. It means they may have more responsibilities and again, different priorities, but not necessarily that they're more "adult."
The difference between being single and
I guess the idea that I'm not an adult purely because I haven't yet completed the good ol' all-American college-job-husband-child path really just doesn't sit well with me. What about the path of college-job-grad school-focus on career-kick ass at aformentioned career-let the husband/baby thing happen when it happens? I don't think there is anything wrong with slowing down and taking the time to figure out what's right for me. Maybe if everyone wasn't so desperate to get married we wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate in this country.
If your blogs are any indication, I have a feeling a lot of you out there would agree with me on this one.
2 comments:
That article annoyed me to no end and I totally agree with you. My parents lived with their parents after college - this boomerang thing isn't a new trend. The majority of my closest friends aren't married either and we're okay with that. I suggest the NYT talk to actual 20-somethings next time instead of researchers.
Think about how divorce has spiked in our life times. Guess what, maybe the older generations were fulfilling the adult criteria on time, but were they doing it with enough thought? Did they investigate that?
Also, we're in a bad economy and even if we were, financially - things are different now. College loans are life sucking, you have to be loaded to buy a home. The town in which my parents could afford to buy a humble home once upon a time is so far out of reach for me now that I am their age.
I could settle, we all could settle, but there's a quality of life part too.
Post a Comment
What's on your mind?