10 reasons why I need a boyfriend

This is a pretty atypical post for me since I'm normally in the "being single rules!" camp. But right now I cannot help but think of all these reasons why having a boyfriend right now would be amazing. Also known as "things I would subject my boyfriend to if I had one."

1) Massage the crap out of my shoulders when every few weeks (and..right now) my left shoulder/back area decides to HURT LIKE HELL and prevent me from moving my head or otherwise being comfortable (note to self: maybe go see some kind of doctor about this).

2) Listen to my stories/snarky comments/ramblings whenever I feel like it. Normally Crapface does this for me (and vice versa) because we're both on Gchat all day but she has been holed up in her apartment studying for this "bar exam" thing. She is going to be a fancy lawyer.

On that note, I sent Crapface this pretty great ecard today.

3) Take the day off of work (hello, only one of us can be unemployed in this relationship) and join me for a $20 3 course lunch at Kittichai. And then buckets of Coronas at the Frying Pan, obviously.

4) Remove massive splinter from my toe. Thankfully, my wifer was willing to do that for me this past weekend in place of the non-existent bf. She did an excellent job of performing minor surgery with tweezers (thanks wifer!).

5) Find me a job (what? He can at least try).

6) Get excited when I suddenly decide that I need to eat some shawarma in the next few days. He will join me. And pay. Because he's nice like that and feels bad that I have no income.

7) I can sleep over at his beautifully air conditioned apartment so that I don't have to pay to run my own AC (I will be honest about my motivations. I would be fooling no one if I said it was because I wanted to cuddle).

8) I'm getting bored of this list so I will end with "obligatory something about love so that I don't seem like as much of a heartless beeehotch."

The end. After reading this, who WOULDN'T want to date me? I am awesome and not at all selfish.