This is a pretty atypical post for me since I'm normally in the "being single rules!" camp. But right now I cannot help but think of all these reasons why having a boyfriend right now would be amazing. Also known as "things I would subject my boyfriend to if I had one."
1) Massage the crap out of my shoulders when every few weeks (and..right now) my left shoulder/back area decides to HURT LIKE HELL and prevent me from moving my head or otherwise being comfortable (note to self: maybe go see some kind of doctor about this).
2) Listen to my stories/snarky comments/ramblings whenever I feel like it. Normally Crapface does this for me (and vice versa) because we're both on Gchat all day but she has been holed up in her apartment studying for this "bar exam" thing. She is going to be a fancy lawyer.
On that note, I sent Crapface this pretty great ecard today.
3) Take the day off of work (hello, only one of us can be unemployed in this relationship) and join me for a $20 3 course lunch at Kittichai. And then buckets of Coronas at the Frying Pan, obviously.
4) Remove massive splinter from my toe. Thankfully, my wifer was willing to do that for me this past weekend in place of the non-existent bf. She did an excellent job of performing minor surgery with tweezers (thanks wifer!).
5) Find me a job (what? He can at least try).
6) Get excited when I suddenly decide that I need to eat some shawarma in the next few days. He will join me. And pay. Because he's nice like that and feels bad that I have no income.
7) I can sleep over at his beautifully air conditioned apartment so that I don't have to pay to run my own AC (I will be honest about my motivations. I would be fooling no one if I said it was because I wanted to cuddle).
8) I'm getting bored of this list so I will end with "obligatory something about love so that I don't seem like as much of a heartless beeehotch."
The end. After reading this, who WOULDN'T want to date me? I am awesome and not at all selfish.
What keeps me up at night
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
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My brain is a crazy place
One of my favorite things to do is to have conversations that are either a) hypothetical or b) probe into the nitty gritty details of some of life's enigmas (AKA, what most people would deem as "stupid").
This past weekend was an excellent example of this. On Friday night, I went to a fabulous Weezer concert with my good friend Devika. The concert was at the Williamsburg Waterfront, and as we waited for the show to start, we stood by the water looking at the Manhattan skyline. And then it started.
"How long do you think it would take to swim across to Manhattan?"
Now, most people would say "I don't know," or take a lame guess, and that would be the end. However, Devika is awesome in many of the same ways I am, and so she indulged me in a discussion about the perceived distance from hipster Brooklyn to Manhattan, the upstream current, the water temperature, and a number of other factors that might impact how long it would take one to swim across. Our conversation was clearly so fascinating that the guy standing next to us joined in and added his input as a surfer and swimmer. However, his analysis was that you would die before getting across, and I'm pretty sure that is..not true. In the end, we decided that while Devika would accept $5,000 for swimming across the East River with full information and advance notice, I would have taken that same $5,000 to jump in the water at that moment in my clothes and head over.
The next day, I joined some friends at the Connecticut marvel known as Foxwoods Casino. Foxwoods is a wonderful place because it has everything a girl like me needs in life: a swimming pool, a ten dollar Blackjack table, and booze aplenty.
At night, we went to one of the many Foxwoods bars for some drankin' and a pretty decent cover band. Luckily for everyone, they also had some of those scantily glad girls who dance on an elevated platform for all to see. I say this is lucky for everyone and not just for the men in our party because, frankly, us ladies enjoyed watching hot girls dance just as much as the guys did, and everyone picked out their favorite (everyone chose the same girl as the favorite because she was way better than the others).
The thing is, it did not suffice to just stand there and rock out to Journey and watch the girls dance. I got all Alice in Wonderland up in there and became curiouser and curiouser. The questions kept popping up.
How much money does the bar pay them?
How much money do you think they get per night in "tips" (AKA men leaving dollars on the ground next to them).
Do their parents know they do this?
Are they ex-strippers?
Are they future strippers?
Do they have a gogo dancing resume?
What's the job application like? Does the boss just put on some music and they dance around?
Don't they get sweaty dancing with their hair down?
Since the 2 girls dancing now are far inferior to the 2 girls who just left, does that make these girls the second string?
Are they drunk when they do this?
Are they not allowed to drink when they do this?
Do they have dancer names?
Do they always wear this same outfit (some kind of bra type thing, boy shorts, and a denim ensemble that involves a g-string that connects via a small strip going down the outside of their legs to some normal jeans bottoms. There are also knee socks that go under the jeans. And PUMAS)?
How much do they LOVE that they get to dance in Pumas, seriously?
Why do they bother picking their wedgies? Do they really care about covering that tiny bit of asscheek that we can't see already? Also, what happened to showmanship?
And on. And on.
Thankfully, there were enough people there that I could ask my questions of different people and (I think) no one got tired of me.
But seriously. Inquiring minds want to know these things.
This past weekend was an excellent example of this. On Friday night, I went to a fabulous Weezer concert with my good friend Devika. The concert was at the Williamsburg Waterfront, and as we waited for the show to start, we stood by the water looking at the Manhattan skyline. And then it started.
"How long do you think it would take to swim across to Manhattan?"
Now, most people would say "I don't know," or take a lame guess, and that would be the end. However, Devika is awesome in many of the same ways I am, and so she indulged me in a discussion about the perceived distance from hipster Brooklyn to Manhattan, the upstream current, the water temperature, and a number of other factors that might impact how long it would take one to swim across. Our conversation was clearly so fascinating that the guy standing next to us joined in and added his input as a surfer and swimmer. However, his analysis was that you would die before getting across, and I'm pretty sure that is..not true. In the end, we decided that while Devika would accept $5,000 for swimming across the East River with full information and advance notice, I would have taken that same $5,000 to jump in the water at that moment in my clothes and head over.
The next day, I joined some friends at the Connecticut marvel known as Foxwoods Casino. Foxwoods is a wonderful place because it has everything a girl like me needs in life: a swimming pool, a ten dollar Blackjack table, and booze aplenty.
At night, we went to one of the many Foxwoods bars for some drankin' and a pretty decent cover band. Luckily for everyone, they also had some of those scantily glad girls who dance on an elevated platform for all to see. I say this is lucky for everyone and not just for the men in our party because, frankly, us ladies enjoyed watching hot girls dance just as much as the guys did, and everyone picked out their favorite (everyone chose the same girl as the favorite because she was way better than the others).
The thing is, it did not suffice to just stand there and rock out to Journey and watch the girls dance. I got all Alice in Wonderland up in there and became curiouser and curiouser. The questions kept popping up.
How much money does the bar pay them?
How much money do you think they get per night in "tips" (AKA men leaving dollars on the ground next to them).
Do their parents know they do this?
Are they ex-strippers?
Are they future strippers?
Do they have a gogo dancing resume?
What's the job application like? Does the boss just put on some music and they dance around?
Don't they get sweaty dancing with their hair down?
Since the 2 girls dancing now are far inferior to the 2 girls who just left, does that make these girls the second string?
Are they drunk when they do this?
Are they not allowed to drink when they do this?
Do they have dancer names?
Do they always wear this same outfit (some kind of bra type thing, boy shorts, and a denim ensemble that involves a g-string that connects via a small strip going down the outside of their legs to some normal jeans bottoms. There are also knee socks that go under the jeans. And PUMAS)?
How much do they LOVE that they get to dance in Pumas, seriously?
Why do they bother picking their wedgies? Do they really care about covering that tiny bit of asscheek that we can't see already? Also, what happened to showmanship?
And on. And on.
Thankfully, there were enough people there that I could ask my questions of different people and (I think) no one got tired of me.
But seriously. Inquiring minds want to know these things.
Acknowledging death, celebrating life
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Labels:
Jew power
Somehow, this video popped up in my Google Reader this morning. I don't remember what website it initially came from, but I was intrigued by the headline and clicked through. So I watched it, and I cried. Because it's amazing.
And because some of you won't watch it, I'll just tell you that it's a video of a Holocaust survivor and his family dancing to "I Will Survive" by several Holocaust sites such as Dachau, Terezinstadt and Auschwitz, including by the famous Auschwitz "Work sets you free" sign. I think it's a really nice and kind of adorable (the old man dancing is super cute) celebration of life.
Seriously, are you not going to watch it? I cried!
Anyway, I was looking for the video again tonight to write this blog post and I stumbled across an article saying a number of Holocaust survivors and families are really upset about this video because they think it makes light of all the people that didn't survive and is overall disrespectful.
This is really upsetting to me because as much as Holocaust survivors may still be mourning the deaths of their relatives who didn't make it through, they have every right to be happy that they survived something called a DEATH CAMP.
My grandfather passed away almost 5 years ago, but I remember him saying that there was a point in his life, namely during the 5 years he worked at Auschwitz (again, DEATH CAMP), at which he never in a million years would have expected to survive, marry, have children and grandchildren and celebrate holidays with them. And I think that's exactly the kind of sentiment that video is trying to portray.
I guess everyone is entitled to an opinion, but frankly if this had ever been proposed as a family expedition I'm pretty sure my whole family, cousins included, would have been up for it. Because the survival of our parents/grandparents is what allows us to be here today, and if that isn't something to celebrate, I don't know what is.
And because some of you won't watch it, I'll just tell you that it's a video of a Holocaust survivor and his family dancing to "I Will Survive" by several Holocaust sites such as Dachau, Terezinstadt and Auschwitz, including by the famous Auschwitz "Work sets you free" sign. I think it's a really nice and kind of adorable (the old man dancing is super cute) celebration of life.
Seriously, are you not going to watch it? I cried!
Anyway, I was looking for the video again tonight to write this blog post and I stumbled across an article saying a number of Holocaust survivors and families are really upset about this video because they think it makes light of all the people that didn't survive and is overall disrespectful.
This is really upsetting to me because as much as Holocaust survivors may still be mourning the deaths of their relatives who didn't make it through, they have every right to be happy that they survived something called a DEATH CAMP.
My grandfather passed away almost 5 years ago, but I remember him saying that there was a point in his life, namely during the 5 years he worked at Auschwitz (again, DEATH CAMP), at which he never in a million years would have expected to survive, marry, have children and grandchildren and celebrate holidays with them. And I think that's exactly the kind of sentiment that video is trying to portray.
I guess everyone is entitled to an opinion, but frankly if this had ever been proposed as a family expedition I'm pretty sure my whole family, cousins included, would have been up for it. Because the survival of our parents/grandparents is what allows us to be here today, and if that isn't something to celebrate, I don't know what is.