Women do the most ridiculous things in the name of beauty. We wear shoes that hurt our feet, stockings that restrict us from breathing, and put chemicals...pretty much everywhere.
I recently sent a text message to Lacey because she had mentioned that she had a product for her nails and cuticles to make them nicer, and I wanted in. I asked her what it was, and she responded with, "Healthy Hoof. It's what trainers use on horses."
Now, considering that people use Preparation H to reduce the appearance of under-eye bags, I shouldn't really have been surprised by the absolute absurdity of what she said. But I was.
I mean, really? We've gone as low as putting horse cream on our hands? My nails may not be the nicest ever and I may have shredded cuticles from unintentionally picking at them, but when I look at my hands I certainly do not think, "Man, these mitts of mine sure do look like horsey hooves."
Naturally, I had no idea where I was supposed to go buy this horse cream. So I asked, figuring I would have to purchase it from some weirdo horse groomer supply website. But oh no, Lacey told me I could find it at any drugstore. "Where?" I thought. "The barnyard aisle?"
I went to CVS and found it by the rest of the nailcare things (obviously). So I guess this pony stuff has become a bit more mainstream and I can rest easy knowing that my friends don't actually go and use real horse products. And while I am mildly reassured that the tub does say that it's intended for nails and cuticles, it also says quite blatantly that it contains "the original equestrian formula used by horse trainers." Is this supposed to make me want to use it more? Because last I checked, horse things are not typically meant for people (this includes PCP, AKA horse tranquilizers. People, don't take weird animal drugs, please).
While it hasn't been long enough for me to tell whether or not my new hoof cream is doing any real good, my cuticles do feel pretty soft. So I guess I'm okay with this new, slightly absurd addition to my beauty regimen. And when the next ridiculous thing comes along, I may just hop on that bandwagon too. Gotta look gorgeous somehow, right? Right.
My super power
Monday, April 5, 2010
Labels:
Random Observations
If I could have any super power, I would want to be able to fly. Hands down. None of this being invisible garbage, flight is where its at.
Sometimes I think about the more realistic super powers that I would like to have. Like being able to sing really well. It's not normally thought of as a super power, but seeing as, you know, people can't fly, stuff of that nature is really all we have to work with.
As much as I'd love to be able to belt it like Whitney, the power I think I would want most in the world would be the ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I know tons of people like this (the men in my family, sorority sisters, other assorted friends), and they probably take it all for granted. But let me tell you, when you are NOT one of these people, you OH SO WISH you were. Planes, bus rides, anytime I happen to be bored..if I could just close my eyes and drift off to sleep, my life would be that much better. But no, I suck at sleeping at random times.
I do, however, have a power that I think a lot of others would be envious of. And it's sort of related to the power I wish I had.
I am really good, and I mean REALLY good, at functioning on little to no sleep. I know people who are all "OH GOD WAH WAH if I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep I just want to die the next day." But not me! And I do it all without caffeine.
The other day, I went to bed around 12:30, for no reason other than I was doing important things like watching The Colbert Report and playing Rock Band on my iPod. I got up at 5:40 to be at work by 7, got home from work at 2:15, ate lunch and checked my email, then left at 3:30 to go to work AGAIN. I got home at 11:30 and though my feet hurt like a mofo, I realized that, at no point during the day did I ever feel tired. Which is handy when you're running around like a crazy person trying to appear chipper for what amounted to a grand total of 13 hours on my feet.
This is pretty normal for me. No matter how many hours of sleep I got the night before, I'm out of bed within 10 seconds of my alarm goes off and by the time I'm at the bathroom to brush my teeth I'm alive and alert. I might be hating my life for having to wake up when it's still dark out because WHY IS WORK ASKING ME TO SHOW UP AT UNGODLY HOURS WITH AN INCREASING FREQUENCY but at least I know I can make it through the day, no matter what.
I'm pretty thankful for this super power because I see how tired other people are. Not only that, but I really can never get myself to go to bed all that early. Even when I was working or last year when I actually went to school every single day, both times I had to be present and ready to go at 8:30 and I still never went to bed before 11:30 (at the earliest). My roommate wakes up around 8 to go to work and for real, that girl is in bed by 9. If she's still alive at 10 when I am undoubtedly settling in to watch TV I remind her that it's past her bedtime and she laments that she really should have gone to bed forever ago.
So there you have it. My useful but not that exciting super power. I'm still holding out for someone to discover the power of human flight, though.
Sometimes I think about the more realistic super powers that I would like to have. Like being able to sing really well. It's not normally thought of as a super power, but seeing as, you know, people can't fly, stuff of that nature is really all we have to work with.
As much as I'd love to be able to belt it like Whitney, the power I think I would want most in the world would be the ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I know tons of people like this (the men in my family, sorority sisters, other assorted friends), and they probably take it all for granted. But let me tell you, when you are NOT one of these people, you OH SO WISH you were. Planes, bus rides, anytime I happen to be bored..if I could just close my eyes and drift off to sleep, my life would be that much better. But no, I suck at sleeping at random times.
I do, however, have a power that I think a lot of others would be envious of. And it's sort of related to the power I wish I had.
I am really good, and I mean REALLY good, at functioning on little to no sleep. I know people who are all "OH GOD WAH WAH if I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep I just want to die the next day." But not me! And I do it all without caffeine.
The other day, I went to bed around 12:30, for no reason other than I was doing important things like watching The Colbert Report and playing Rock Band on my iPod. I got up at 5:40 to be at work by 7, got home from work at 2:15, ate lunch and checked my email, then left at 3:30 to go to work AGAIN. I got home at 11:30 and though my feet hurt like a mofo, I realized that, at no point during the day did I ever feel tired. Which is handy when you're running around like a crazy person trying to appear chipper for what amounted to a grand total of 13 hours on my feet.
This is pretty normal for me. No matter how many hours of sleep I got the night before, I'm out of bed within 10 seconds of my alarm goes off and by the time I'm at the bathroom to brush my teeth I'm alive and alert. I might be hating my life for having to wake up when it's still dark out because WHY IS WORK ASKING ME TO SHOW UP AT UNGODLY HOURS WITH AN INCREASING FREQUENCY but at least I know I can make it through the day, no matter what.
I'm pretty thankful for this super power because I see how tired other people are. Not only that, but I really can never get myself to go to bed all that early. Even when I was working or last year when I actually went to school every single day, both times I had to be present and ready to go at 8:30 and I still never went to bed before 11:30 (at the earliest). My roommate wakes up around 8 to go to work and for real, that girl is in bed by 9. If she's still alive at 10 when I am undoubtedly settling in to watch TV I remind her that it's past her bedtime and she laments that she really should have gone to bed forever ago.
So there you have it. My useful but not that exciting super power. I'm still holding out for someone to discover the power of human flight, though.
Notes to event attendees, from your waitstaff
Friday, April 2, 2010
Labels:
Bartending,
Catering
Happy Good Friday! If you think I have any idea what Good Friday is about, you clearly haven't been reading this blog too long. Here is the second installment of me trying to catch the world up on my catering job.
While I don't attend fancy events on a regular basis, I've certainly been to a number of catered affairs. And sometimes you just don't think about the people on the other side. Here are some things your staff would like you to know:
1) If I am trying to clear your plate, pour you more water, or, you know, anything that helps you, try and make my life that much easier. When I'm carrying a dinner plate that is probably a) heavy b) hot or c) both, it would be nice if you would remove your purse/program/hands from the spot where your plate is supposed to go. And I mean now, not when you're done with your conversation.
2a) If you don't want any of the hors d'oeuvres that I'm passing around, say "no, thank you" or "I'll pass" or even just look me in the eye or ANYTHING that indicates that you don't want some. Do NOT pretend that you don't see me. You do. I will go away faster if you tell me you don't want the food on my tray than if you just ignore me as I try to figure out what you want.
2b) Please realize that, when passing hors d'oeuvres, it is MY JOB to insert myself into your circle in order to ask if anyone wants anything. I know it's annoying to have your conversation interrupted, but that's what I'm getting paid to do. Far more people will eat from a passed tray if you ask them directly than if you wander around waiting for someone to approach you. Try not to act like the world has come crashing down.
3) More often than not, there are garbage cans. Not only that, but there are people whose job it is to go around collecting trash and empty plates or glasses. If you see me with food, wine, water, or really anything that is NOT garbage, do not assume it is okay to dump your garbage on me as I pass by. I will always accept it graciously, but it doesn't mean I like it.
4) TIP YOUR BARTENDERS. Even if there is no tip jar. ESPECIALLY if there is no tip jar. Catering bartenders aren't allowed to put out tip jars probably 90% of the time. They do not make a higher hourly wage than the waiters. I know that it's open bar because you paid whatever to get in to this event, but find your wallet and give them a dollar. Just because there's no tip jar doesn't mean they can't accept tips. They will love you if you go out of your way to tip. And bartenders are always good friends to have.
5) Contrary to what you may think, catering is not the same as working in a restaurant. By this I mean we are not supposed to eat the food so that we can give honest opinions as to what we like. In fact, most of the time we aren't allowed to eat any of the food at all, except maybe when the event is over (yes, we are totally sneaking food when we can, but this isn't the point). So while I can and should know what everything is, I likely don't know what it tastes like. Don't be annoyed. Remember, the food is FREE. If you want to try it, try it. If you don't like it, no harm done.
More to come later, I'm sure.
While I don't attend fancy events on a regular basis, I've certainly been to a number of catered affairs. And sometimes you just don't think about the people on the other side. Here are some things your staff would like you to know:
1) If I am trying to clear your plate, pour you more water, or, you know, anything that helps you, try and make my life that much easier. When I'm carrying a dinner plate that is probably a) heavy b) hot or c) both, it would be nice if you would remove your purse/program/hands from the spot where your plate is supposed to go. And I mean now, not when you're done with your conversation.
2a) If you don't want any of the hors d'oeuvres that I'm passing around, say "no, thank you" or "I'll pass" or even just look me in the eye or ANYTHING that indicates that you don't want some. Do NOT pretend that you don't see me. You do. I will go away faster if you tell me you don't want the food on my tray than if you just ignore me as I try to figure out what you want.
2b) Please realize that, when passing hors d'oeuvres, it is MY JOB to insert myself into your circle in order to ask if anyone wants anything. I know it's annoying to have your conversation interrupted, but that's what I'm getting paid to do. Far more people will eat from a passed tray if you ask them directly than if you wander around waiting for someone to approach you. Try not to act like the world has come crashing down.
3) More often than not, there are garbage cans. Not only that, but there are people whose job it is to go around collecting trash and empty plates or glasses. If you see me with food, wine, water, or really anything that is NOT garbage, do not assume it is okay to dump your garbage on me as I pass by. I will always accept it graciously, but it doesn't mean I like it.
4) TIP YOUR BARTENDERS. Even if there is no tip jar. ESPECIALLY if there is no tip jar. Catering bartenders aren't allowed to put out tip jars probably 90% of the time. They do not make a higher hourly wage than the waiters. I know that it's open bar because you paid whatever to get in to this event, but find your wallet and give them a dollar. Just because there's no tip jar doesn't mean they can't accept tips. They will love you if you go out of your way to tip. And bartenders are always good friends to have.
5) Contrary to what you may think, catering is not the same as working in a restaurant. By this I mean we are not supposed to eat the food so that we can give honest opinions as to what we like. In fact, most of the time we aren't allowed to eat any of the food at all, except maybe when the event is over (yes, we are totally sneaking food when we can, but this isn't the point). So while I can and should know what everything is, I likely don't know what it tastes like. Don't be annoyed. Remember, the food is FREE. If you want to try it, try it. If you don't like it, no harm done.
More to come later, I'm sure.