Last week, I was catching up with a friend over bubble tea. We talked about all the usual things - jobs (or lack thereof), her upcoming wedding, and so on
As we were leaving, she said, "Elle, we really need to do this more often. It's always so good to talk to you because you have your shit together and I can pick your brain."
If we were chatting online at the time, which we clearly were not, and if I were the type of person to ever say, "LOL," which I'm also not, my response would have been the following:
LOLOLOLOLOL K
I mean, my friend has a luxury apartment and a fiance, and recently hit her 5 year anniversary at her job. Meanwhile, I've been unemployed for 10 months, the extent of my love life right now is thinking that maybe a guy has a crush on me but also maybe he doesn't at all, and I got so drunk this weekend that I lost my sunglasses and dropped my phone so many times that I cracked the screen. And she's telling me that I have my shit together?
So I've been thinking a lot about what it means exactly to have one's shit together. While I would certainly never describe myself as a mess, I think the phrase "having your shit together" implies a certain level of polish that I definitely lack. Does anyone truly look to people who have embraced the leggings-as-pants look as role models? I feel like...no (seriously though - leggings are so comfortable okay JUDGE AWAY I DO NOT EVEN CARE).
Let's assume that this one friend isn't the only person out there who thinks I have my shit together. What is it about me, then?
Do I have my shit together because I'm punctual?
Do I have my shit together because I never bail on plans?
Do I have my shit together because I pay my bills on time?
Sure, these are all things that "with it" people do, but I didn't leave the house until around 5pm today, my hair is about 2 days overdue for being washed and today I ate a slice of pizza for breakfast, another one for lunch, and a third one for dinner.
So whoever died and made my friend - bless her heart - in charge of delineating who has their shit together and who doesn't, I thank you. Because I don't deserve it.
Or do I? I constantly find that my friends ask for me advice on stuff, and 2 weeks ago Cassie told me she was surprised that I had never considered being a life coach as a career path.
A LIFE COACH, YOU GUYS. As someone who cannot even find a date from the internet. Cassie, I adore you.
Okay, so I do admit that despite the ridiculous state of my life right now, I'm typically someone who is sort of on top of things. I'm good at returning emails and phone calls and my room is always pretty clean. And despite all of the crying I've done over jobs that didn't work out over the last 10 months, deep down I think I've always known that I'll be fine. Because I may not be on top of certain areas of my life (in fact, I may be drowning in them), but as far as my life as a whole goes, I have it together. I think.
It's comforting, to be honest. No matter what happens, I always know that I'll pull a Tim Gunn and make it work. And while I may lose alignment, I'll never lose control.
At least I hope
P.S. For those keeping track, yes, I clearly realize that I'm writing a post about how I have my shit together and it's a Stratejoy Monday post and I'm posting it on Tuesday. FAIL. But at least I wrote most of it yesterday.
**This is my new series called
Stratejoy Monday. To learn more about all this goodness, see the first 5
months of my Stratejoy journey here.
JDate Strikes Again
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Labels:
Dating?
I don't think it's any secret that online dating for me has more or less been a spectacular failure. Not in that I've gone on horrendous date after horrendous date, but that I can't even seem to get to the "going on a date" stage with anyone before they show me their true crazy-and-or-creepy colors.
To demonstrate, I just want to tell you all a story.
Recently, I was messaging back and forth with a guy from JDate. I wasn't super into him but decided to get over myself and just go with it anyway.
Last week, he messaged me and said, "I think texting would probably be easier. Here's my number."
The next time I logged into JDate, which happened to be 5 days later, I messaged him back: "Sure, sounds good. Here's my number."
On Saturday evening, I emerged from the subway and immediately whipped out my phone to call my friend Lauren, as we were meeting up to go to the Jay-Z concert. I noticed that I had a text message that said, "Hey it's Zack from JDate," but since I was hurrying off to the concert I decided not to respond until later.
2 hours later, the concert was over and I saw yet another text message from him: "Nevermind, I'm not interested in you."
This was the point at which I wrote him off, as his only basis for being upset would have been the 2 hours that I didn't respond to him, in which case, CALM DOWN YO. But I decided to take the high road. Our text conversation, which happened over the course of the next 45 minutes or so as I was traveling from the concert to my friend's party, is as follows:
Arielle: Okay. I just wanted to say hi and that I've been in a concert all night and not looking at my phone.
Zack: What concert?
Arielle: Jay-Z
Zack: White girls at a Jay-Z concert? He really does have 99 problems.
Zack: You took forever to respond to my message, and then you didn't even text me, you just emailed me your number. That's not attractive to say the least.
Arielle: Sorry, I've just been really busy lately. If that's not okay with you, that's fine.
Zack: Why are you even on JDate if you're not going to make dating a priority?
Arielle: I'm really sorry but I'm at a party and I can't talk right now.
Zack: Ur fucking clueless. Lose my number.
/scene
I just...I can't. No, I didn't respond to him for 5 days, and no, I didn't text him when he gave me his number because I opted to just give him my number instead. But...IS THIS REAL LIFE?
Okay. No further commentary necessary here.
To demonstrate, I just want to tell you all a story.
Recently, I was messaging back and forth with a guy from JDate. I wasn't super into him but decided to get over myself and just go with it anyway.
Last week, he messaged me and said, "I think texting would probably be easier. Here's my number."
The next time I logged into JDate, which happened to be 5 days later, I messaged him back: "Sure, sounds good. Here's my number."
On Saturday evening, I emerged from the subway and immediately whipped out my phone to call my friend Lauren, as we were meeting up to go to the Jay-Z concert. I noticed that I had a text message that said, "Hey it's Zack from JDate," but since I was hurrying off to the concert I decided not to respond until later.
2 hours later, the concert was over and I saw yet another text message from him: "Nevermind, I'm not interested in you."
This was the point at which I wrote him off, as his only basis for being upset would have been the 2 hours that I didn't respond to him, in which case, CALM DOWN YO. But I decided to take the high road. Our text conversation, which happened over the course of the next 45 minutes or so as I was traveling from the concert to my friend's party, is as follows:
Arielle: Okay. I just wanted to say hi and that I've been in a concert all night and not looking at my phone.
Zack: What concert?
Arielle: Jay-Z
Zack: White girls at a Jay-Z concert? He really does have 99 problems.
Zack: You took forever to respond to my message, and then you didn't even text me, you just emailed me your number. That's not attractive to say the least.
Arielle: Sorry, I've just been really busy lately. If that's not okay with you, that's fine.
Zack: Why are you even on JDate if you're not going to make dating a priority?
Arielle: I'm really sorry but I'm at a party and I can't talk right now.
Zack: Ur fucking clueless. Lose my number.
/scene
I just...I can't. No, I didn't respond to him for 5 days, and no, I didn't text him when he gave me his number because I opted to just give him my number instead. But...IS THIS REAL LIFE?
Okay. No further commentary necessary here.
Goals, revisited
Monday, October 1, 2012
Labels:
Stratejoy Monday
Earlier this year, I wrote about the goals I wanted to achieve over the coming months. At the end of my Stratejoy season, I wrote about goals again (I also wrote about Girl Talk and what my eyes look like, but whatever).
In the last 2 months, I have effectively done absolutely nothing to better my life in any way. I've been temping, sure, and going to Jay-Z and Foo Fighters concerts and playing kickball, but I'm living completely without strategic direction. You know, managing my life without really leading it.
In an act of extremely fortuitous timing, Ashley (also a graduate of Stratejoy blogging!) decided that as a way of bumping up her growing coaching business, she would offer 100 free 60-minute coaching calls. My life was in dire need of some centering so you know I jumped on that shit (she still has some spots left, so if you too want some super helpful no-judgment practical advice and help in sorting out all your ish, I highly suggest you go sign up for your spot, too).
So I had a lovely Google+ hangout with Ashley where I told her everything that's going on and how I was generally overwhelmed by the enormity of what I wanted to do with my life, because when you look towards the finish line of all your goals as opposed to the next step along the way, that's a surefire way of scaring yourself into doing absolutely nothing.
Ashley helped me look at my goals and figure out some more manageable baby steps to help me get there, so that I could stop leading a completely static life where I'm intimidated by the sheer amount of work ahead of me and start making the teeniest tiniest bits of progress.
Do you know what I mean? Saying to yourself, "I want to publish a book of personal essays" is way more intimidating than saying, "Maybe tomorrow I'll just jot down some notes about what essays I want to write."
This wasn't even one of the things Ashley and I discussed, but it's on my list anyway.
Also, SIDEBAR: Probably most people who read this blog also already read Nicole's blog and have thus seen this video, but if you haven't, I highly suggest you watch the below video immediately. Nicole gave a 5 minute talk about the 3 lessons she's learned from long-distance running, and even if you're not a runner (RAISES HAND) these will totally still apply to you in working towards any goal, at all, ever. So, watch this.
Moving on.
I wanted to share the action items that Ashley and I set out during our chat, because putting them out there for the world worked for me before and hopefully it will work again. Here goes!
1) Set up one date within the next 2 weeks. This is probably not actually going to happen, for reasons you guys can all read about when my next post goes up on Wednesday. I will allow for the possibility that either a) every guy from the internet stops being weird or b) I actually get asked out in person, but let's not get our hopes up for those.
2) Be more thoughtful about what I eat/drink in social situations. Do I ALWAYS need another beer? The answer might sometimes be "yes," but I have a feeling that if I thought about it a little more, it could also sometimes be "no."
3) Exercise 4 days a week. I don't have a job, guys. There's no excuse for not doing this (says the person who did not go to the gym today. Whoops).
4) Be more proactive in job hunting. Despite the fact that I'm totally burnt out on job hunting, I don't have the luxury of just NOT doing it anymore. So instead of taking the easy way out and blindly sending off resumes, I need to make more of an effort to try and find connections within the companies I want to work for.
5) Do not leave the house wearing something that doesn't make me feel great. I love yoga pants and pajamas. In fact, I probably spend more time in sweatpants-type clothes than my 3 roommates combined. Because I'm a slob, I guess. But I feel way more confident when I look nice, and so I'm going to make more of an effort to do that. I already succeeded at this today!
I'm fixing my life, you guys. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
**This is my new series called Stratejoy Monday. To learn more about all this goodness, see the first 5 months of my Stratejoy journey here.
In the last 2 months, I have effectively done absolutely nothing to better my life in any way. I've been temping, sure, and going to Jay-Z and Foo Fighters concerts and playing kickball, but I'm living completely without strategic direction. You know, managing my life without really leading it.
In an act of extremely fortuitous timing, Ashley (also a graduate of Stratejoy blogging!) decided that as a way of bumping up her growing coaching business, she would offer 100 free 60-minute coaching calls. My life was in dire need of some centering so you know I jumped on that shit (she still has some spots left, so if you too want some super helpful no-judgment practical advice and help in sorting out all your ish, I highly suggest you go sign up for your spot, too).
So I had a lovely Google+ hangout with Ashley where I told her everything that's going on and how I was generally overwhelmed by the enormity of what I wanted to do with my life, because when you look towards the finish line of all your goals as opposed to the next step along the way, that's a surefire way of scaring yourself into doing absolutely nothing.
Ashley helped me look at my goals and figure out some more manageable baby steps to help me get there, so that I could stop leading a completely static life where I'm intimidated by the sheer amount of work ahead of me and start making the teeniest tiniest bits of progress.
Do you know what I mean? Saying to yourself, "I want to publish a book of personal essays" is way more intimidating than saying, "Maybe tomorrow I'll just jot down some notes about what essays I want to write."
This wasn't even one of the things Ashley and I discussed, but it's on my list anyway.
Also, SIDEBAR: Probably most people who read this blog also already read Nicole's blog and have thus seen this video, but if you haven't, I highly suggest you watch the below video immediately. Nicole gave a 5 minute talk about the 3 lessons she's learned from long-distance running, and even if you're not a runner (RAISES HAND) these will totally still apply to you in working towards any goal, at all, ever. So, watch this.
Moving on.
I wanted to share the action items that Ashley and I set out during our chat, because putting them out there for the world worked for me before and hopefully it will work again. Here goes!
1) Set up one date within the next 2 weeks. This is probably not actually going to happen, for reasons you guys can all read about when my next post goes up on Wednesday. I will allow for the possibility that either a) every guy from the internet stops being weird or b) I actually get asked out in person, but let's not get our hopes up for those.
2) Be more thoughtful about what I eat/drink in social situations. Do I ALWAYS need another beer? The answer might sometimes be "yes," but I have a feeling that if I thought about it a little more, it could also sometimes be "no."
3) Exercise 4 days a week. I don't have a job, guys. There's no excuse for not doing this (says the person who did not go to the gym today. Whoops).
4) Be more proactive in job hunting. Despite the fact that I'm totally burnt out on job hunting, I don't have the luxury of just NOT doing it anymore. So instead of taking the easy way out and blindly sending off resumes, I need to make more of an effort to try and find connections within the companies I want to work for.
5) Do not leave the house wearing something that doesn't make me feel great. I love yoga pants and pajamas. In fact, I probably spend more time in sweatpants-type clothes than my 3 roommates combined. Because I'm a slob, I guess. But I feel way more confident when I look nice, and so I'm going to make more of an effort to do that. I already succeeded at this today!
I'm fixing my life, you guys. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
**This is my new series called Stratejoy Monday. To learn more about all this goodness, see the first 5 months of my Stratejoy journey here.